Dreaming...MGMart

It's all started...

2012-01-12T10:00:00.001+01:00

so...the second divorce hearing is today afternoon at 1pm, please think of me.

I wanted to write down some of my thoughts before the court hearing, because I know today afternoon will be another start of my life...I feel it...and I am not meaning a good way.

It's so hard to write again, but I have to do it, because writing in public is the only way, I can deal with the ex and the situation he caused.

I need to write about this in public, because I had to keep everything in myself for the past 15.5 years, as he never let me to talk to anyone (not even to my family) about what is going on behind closed doors. How he was hurting me mentally and physically, and how he was manipulating me since we met. He made me believe, that every women was hurt by their husband, and to come from a family where I was witnessing domestic violence nearly every day. That made me believe him, it's sort of normal what he was doing to me...he ruined me forever.

I feel so sick now, since I found out it's not normal to be hurt by someone. I feel so stupid and naive.

I just wish I had somebody I could have talked about things like that before...about life and relationships...but I never had a real friend in all my life, who I could have shared my feelings and my fears with... until a few months ago, when I realised what is going on around me and that person presence woke me up from this horrible nightmare...that person gave me back the NEED of my self respect.

The ex still tries to manipulate me and emotionally blackmailing me and my kids, but I try to fight against it...it's really hard to do it alone, but I have to be strong for my kids sake. And this is the reason I need to keep writing things down in here, so everyone can see what is going on with me, and maybe someone might learn from my mistakes.

The other reason to write this post is, to let people know, I couldn't put together as much money as I wanted in my earlier post, so I took my kids to a two week holiday at Christmas and New Year. I took them in Paris for a few days, then we went to Spain to help us relax a little and try to forget about all that bad things what was happening with us in the last months.

Edward and Gigi enjoyed their holiday so much, that was their Christmas present, instead of gadgets and toys. I wanted to give them good life experience what they will always remember, what nobody can take away from them. I took them to new places to discover and I wanted to give them dreams what they can achieve one day when they will grow up.

But the ex already threatened me yesterday in one of his email, he wants to put an order on the kids today and I can not take them anywhere again...he was always treating my kids and me like we are his possessions.
The things is, he knew I will take the kids on holiday this Christmas, as I told him (even it's very hard for me to talk to him, but I need to do it for my kids) and he said it's a good idea and he called up on the day we left Hungary and he was wishing them a great time. But I always forget he is a mentally ill, he is a psychopath (I have realised this a few weeks ago, that would explain his strange behaviour) and he changes his mind so quick how it's suit him the best in that moment.

He still wants to manipulate us and make us to do what he wants, even if it's bad for the kids. But I will try to save my kids from any more pain, he could cause them, because I know now, what sort of person he is.

Today will be a very hard day for me, I really don't know what to expect from it. Will be interesting to see, how the whole process will go, as the ex will be there too this time. Seems to me, most of the people who are involved in this divorce, forget or ignore what sort of things he has on his old laptop hard drive. I do believe when two young children involved in a divorce in the situation like mine, should be considered to dealt with much quicker and do not let to wait when something bad things could happen...but I will find out this very soon.

I know already, the divorce procedure will take so long. I wish I have the money to pay him off to leave us alone.

Please think of me, I know I will be going through hell again, to speak about what he did to me in all these years, and tear up bad memories, but I guess I have to do it, to help me to say it out of myself what I tried to forget, but obviously I can not forget them, as they are hurting me as much still, when they happened.

PS: I wrote this post early this morning, and as I said it's all started...
Yesterday the ex arrived to Hungary from the UK, for the court hearing. He called me up several times in the evening, and was asking me if he can stay in the house overnight. Obviously I said no, because I am scared of him so much now, I don't really know anymore what he is capable of, since he knows I know things about him, who is he really. I agreed to let him to see the kids in the morning front of the school at 7.55am.
I couldn't sleep again all night, as I was worried he will try to come in the house. I feel exhausted now.
He called me up in the morning at 7am, he is front of our house with his rented car and he wanted to take us to school. I told him, I will take the kids to school, and was asking him, why is he thinks I will sit in the same car with him. I was asking him again to leave front of the house, as he is blocking the way for me to drive out with our car from the garage, and we can meet front of the school before 8am, as we agreed last night on the phone. Then he lost his temper again, and started shouting at me and swearing, why he can't park front of the house in the driveway... So I was waited he will drive away, but he just stayed there, so I had to call the Police to advice me what should I do, because I am scared to go out with the kids to the car, because the ex is angry again. The Police said they will come out and they told me to don't go outside alone until they arrive. By 7.40am the ex drove away, so I called up the Police they don't need to come out, he is gone. The time I put the phone down, the Police arrived, so I told them what happened and they was asking me if I want them to follow me to the school. I agreed with it, because my son said, he is worried now.
We arrived to the school and the ex gave the kids some presents again and when he saw the Police car turned up, he gone angry with me again and called all names front of the kids. I took the kids in the school, as I didn't wanted any more argument front of the school, and we was late by then too.
The time I came out from the school, the ex parked his rental car next to mine, in a way I hardly could open my door. I sit in the car quick and locked the doors straight away, as I felt unsafe, even the Police was near by. The ex jumped out of his car and started to force open the car door on me, and was hitting the window, tried to break it in, and he was nearly kicked the car door side in, but he stopped himself, as he likes the car...and he was shouting to me several times he will kill me. The Police was there in a few seconds time next to us, and I opened my door and got out of the car. I was in such a shock and was shaking so badly, I was really scared.
The Police man told me to leave the ex with them and just drive away, they will stay with him.
I am still shaking how I am writing all this down, but I have to do it, to let you know what was going on this morning before the court hearing. I was really scared to come back home alone, but I had to wrap some of my orders to ship them today to my customers, as I reopened my Etsy shop again for a few weeks, to earn some money. I am so worried about my kids now, hopefully they are safe in the school, but I need to leave now to see my lawyer this morning.
Please think of me.

I need your help...

2011-11-25T10:04:00.013+01:00

If you are reading my blog, you know what sort of things I have gone through in the past years and to deal with it now in the past few months, it's slowly ruined me..

I never wanted to write this post, but I have to do it..I though I can sort my financial problems out alone, but I realised I just can not do it myself, as how depressed I feel, I had to close my shops down..I can not design anymore and can not work, as my hands are shaking so much, I can't paint, I can't singe my flowers or sew them...

I already put my house up for sale on eBay and one Hungarian Estate Agent site
(Update: I can not afford to relist the house at the moment on eBay, if you are interested, please contact me.)
It will take time to sell it, but I need to do things now, to make me feel better...this can not wait any longer, I feel it.

I only have my paintings shop open at the moment on etsy and I decided to sell everything there on a much less price to raise money to make my dreams to became a reality..
I need $6,800.00 (Update on the 08.12.2011.: I only need $4,300.00 as I sold some of my works already) to make a first step to start a new life with my kids and to give me some strength to get out of this horrible mess I found myself in a few months ago.
To help me to recover and start designing and painting again...
I can not keep going any longer like how I feel in the last weeks. I need a change, that's why I need to raise that much money.

If you are interesting to buy any of my paintings or photograph prints, I can sell them for you on a price you are willing to pay, obviously in a reasonable amount. I've already adjusted the price on all the paintings for you, to receive a 50% discount, but I can give you further price reduction if you wish.

All of my paintings and photograph prints are available for this special offer, except: "The Mysterious Moon" what is for sale only on that price what is in my shop.

If you are interested to purchase any of my paintings or photograph prints in my etsy shop, please send me an email: marica.art@btopenworld.com and I can list them for you on the agreed price on etsy or on eBay.

I feel so embarrassed to write this post, but I am pretty desperate to put this money together before Christmas...I really need your help, even if you are not interested, but know someone who might.
Please can you forward my blog link to them or tweet it...thank you.

PS: Please read the comments under this post to see who I had to live with.
The ex still keep bullying me here and write nasty comments hiding behind the word "anonymous".
I just searched up the word "psychopathic" on Google, because I couldn't spell it correctly and to make sure that is the right description for the ex behaviour. And I was very surprised by the fact, everything what is describe Psychopath, he have it all...which scares me only to find out now..
I always thought is something wrong with him mentally, because of his weird behaviour, but never thought to look it up, maybe because I was try to keep my family together, no matter what he was doing to me and my kids and other people...

I copied and pasted his and my comments for you to see it:
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"Anonymous said...
Your life story is interesting, but your paitings are crap
25 November 2011 13:12 "
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"MGMart said...
To "Anonymous"
You sound exactly like my ex.
He was using the exact words about my work to knock me down to the ground, to feel I am worthless, after he realised hitting and raping me not break me down...
Is that you Carl????? Next time you are writing nasty comments on my blog, have that much in you to write your name down and show other people who you are really, stop hiding behind the word "Anonymous"
25 November 2011 13:46 "
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"Anonymous said...
Sorry my dear, I am not your ex. Not sure if you really had an ex!!!
You would be lucky if I was your ex, bcos I would have killed myself of ever being with people like you. You just can't bare the truth, can you? Have you really ever sold even one of your paintings?
26 November 2011 01:26 "
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" MGMart said...
To "Anonymous"
I say it one more.
Carl leave me alone, stop bullying me over the internet, wasn't enough for you to hurt me while I was married to you??
Don't give me the "old lady" talk: "sorry my dear"...then write like a man..Carl I am not stupid, I know exactly it's you I can prove it, I lived with you for 15.5 years I know your sad games too well...
I know you was setting up a fake etsy account: (http://www.etsy.com/people/helskina and you was pretend it to be Sabina) to place a large order and you haven’t paid for it, just to mess me up even more financially, and I know you set up another two fake account on twitter to stalk me and check on me what I write.
First you have set up this account, but I blocked you, because your abusive tweets to me and to my twitter followers:
https://twitter.com/#!/anytimesoonerer
Then you set up this one with the same name as your fake etsy account: https://twitter.com/#!/helskina but I worked it out that is you again so I blocked that account again..
then you set up this other fake twitter account https://twitter.com/#!/threemice666 but I blocked that one too, because I hate creepy psychopathic person like you, I just searched it up on Google and here is the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathywhat describes you exactly how you behave, just read it myself and every part of this description, just like you. Which scares me who I was living with all this years and if I would have known, you are having this mental disorder, I would NOT fallen asleep in the same room where you was sleeping and would NOT let my kids with you alone for a second...so it's not enough I just found out on the 20th of May you are having a paedophile interest, but you are having a mental disorder too..SCARY!!!

So leave us alone, that is the least you can do.
You should be locked up and not walk around freely on the streets and work in people’s houses.
26 November 2011 13:53 "
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"Anonymous said...

My name is Daniel Nickleson, working for Strand Gallery in London. I'm constantly looking for new talented artist. Trust me, your paintings are no way near being arts.
You are certainlmakey having issues with your ex, and that's not my interest at all. This is my last reply to you as I don't have time to waist, but I need to make it clear that I'm not hiding myself, it is just easy to leave a comment under anonymous category.
All of the best.
26 November 2011 23:24"
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'MGMart said...

To "Anonymous"
I've called up yesterday the Strand Gallery in London, and I was spoken with Kate, who is managing the gallery and she don't know anyone who works there, as only her and another lady work for the gallery.
So you made this one up again Carl.
I am asking you the last time, to stop playing your dirty games on me, I know 100% it's you, I have my ways to know it's you.
I only called the gallery up to let them know some weirdo writing nasty comments under their names.
I am telling you again, stop writing on my blog.
You should read carefully that Wikipedia link, and you will see "lying and manipulation", they are one of the characteristics in the mental disorder you have.
I don't think you will ever get it, as you are sick and I will ask the court in the next divorce hearing in January 2012, to do a test on you, as I will not let you near my kids anymore.
29 November 2011 10:38"
. . .

No Love ... my 1st audio post

2011-11-08T11:16:00.029+01:00

Finally today I decided to publish this blog post, which is (I think) the most important to me..

I wanted to do it a very long time ago, but every time I sat down to write it, I backed out of it.

Maybe because I was scared to see written down some of the things what was hurting me the most.

Even now I can not write about it still, that is why I had to record it... I hope you will understand what I want to say, I am sorry my English is not as good.

Since I am not tweeting and not writing on my Facebook account and here, I was alone and I had a time to think and I realised so many things what and why things was happening in my life.

To listen to my audio clips, please click on the highlighted words: "Introduction", "Part 1"..etc

Sorry if I was making many mistakes when I was talking, but I was saying things how I felt in that moment.
I didn't write down what I wanted to say, so that's why I sound too slow sometimes, because I was thinking and said things out loud of myself, what I never shared with anyone before and I was incredibly nervous talking like that and show the real me..what is in my heart and in my soul...
Someone was asking me what is the noise in the background, the iPod microphone is so sensitive, it picks up the noise how the headset wire was moving on my t-shirt how I breath or talk.

I just hope you will listen to it all my 14 audio clips, I know it will takes a long time, but would be nice if you do...thank you

Introduction:

"Throw dirt on me and grow a wildflower

But it's fuck the world, get a child out her

Yeah, my life a bitch, but you know nothing 'bout her

Been to hell and back, I can show you vouchers..."

Part 1

"...I think about more than I forget

But I don't go around fire expecting not to sweat..."

Part 2

"I'm high as a bitch, up, up and away, man, I come down in a couple of days

Ok, you want me up in the cage then I'll come out in beast-mode

I got this world stuck in the safe, combination is the G-code"

Part 3

"...So you can keep knocking but won't knock me down

No love lost, no love found"

Part 4

In part 4, I said 2005, instead of 1995. I was incredibly nervous to talk and I made a mistake.

"It's a little too late to say that you're sorry now

You kicked me when I was down, fuck what you say, just

Don't hurt me, it don't hurt me, no more"

Part 5

"Bitch, you get no love

You showed me nothing but hate, you ran me into the ground

But what comes around goes around

And you don't hurt me"

Part 6

"You don't hurt me, no more

Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love, no love
Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love
And I don't need you no more

Get 'em"

Part 7

"I'm alive again, more alive than I have been in my whole entire life"

Part 8

"I can see these people's ears perk up as I begin"

Part 9

"To spaz with the pen, I'm a little bit sicker than most, shit's fixin' to get thick again"

Part 10

"I ain't never giving in again, caution to the wind, complete freedom..."

Part 11

"It's an adrenaline rush to feel the bass thump in the place all the way to the parking lot..."

Part 12

"And you can never break my stride, you never slow the momentum at any moment I'm about to blow

You'll never take my pride, killing the flow, slow venom and the opponent

Is getting no mercy, mark my words ain't letting up, relentless, I smell blood

I don't give a fuck, keep giving them hell, where was you when I fell and needed help up?"

Part 13

You get no love
It's a little too late to say that you're sorry now

You kicked me when I was down, fuck what you say, just

Don't hurt me, it don't hurt me, no more

Bitch, you get no love

You showed me nothing but hate, you ran me into the ground

And you don't hurt me

You don't hurt me, no more

Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love, no love

Bitch, you get no love, no love, no love

And I don't need you no more

Bitch, you get no love

So I got to this part...

2011-10-24T10:15:00.011+02:00

...to the things what I never really wanted to do, but how the time pass by in this dark part of my life I need to do things what I truly never wanted to do.

I announced on my Etsy shop already, I am closing down my main shop for good this time and how I feel now, I don't think I will ever reopen it again.

It's makes me so sad, but I tried everything to keep up my Etsy shops, but I lost my passion to create, maybe God don't want me to create anymore...I really don't know..anyway this is how I feel now.

I waited long enough to get back to my work to design, but I totally lost my passion.

I already closed my supply and wedding shops down on Etsy and I will close my main shop on the 10th of November 2011.

I am not sure about my Etsy painting shop yet, I think I will keep that open for a while.

I had the first divorce court hearing on the 22nd of September and the ex promised front of the solicitors two weeks before the court hearing when we had a meeting, to pay me out to move out from my house with the kids and he will keep the house, car..etc. He promised he will pay the child support backdated to April 2011 what he owe for the kids.

But as always he lied again and changed his mind the next day.

So the situation is, he do not care about the kids anymore, he wrote it down for me and his son a few days ago.
He want money from me and he is not willing to pay the child support (he only transferred 400.00GBP in September to my bank account since April, but I think he only done that one of his weak moment, I bet he already regret it).

He still blackmailing me with all kind of things and blaming me for divorcing him, he just can not get it in his sick brain I had enough how he was hurting me physically and verbally since we got married, and since I found out five months ago he have a pedophile interest (please read my earlier blog post Not Affraid) and he cheated on me since we got married, I have nothing to do with that person anymore.

So, I have to sell the house to make money to help me start a new life with my kids.

I put up my house on auction on Ebay and on one Hungarian Estate Agency website for sale.

The house price is really low at the moment in Hungary, so it will be a bargain for someone.

It's hurts me to sell it, but I have no other option to cut all the ties with the ex and make it possible for start fresh with my two kids.

It was so hard to write that much today, because I am feeling so depressed about everything, but I am hoping to sell my house will ease all the pain what I was living in for 15.5 years.

To sell the house will close down a very sad part of my life and start new and be me again...

PS: I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who wrote to me a private email (marica.art@btopenworld.com) and on my Etsy shops. Sorry, but at the moment I don't feel to write back to anyone. I will later on, when I feel a little better.
I am sorry, I am not ignoring anyone, I just feel so down to write in the last months.
Please this don't stop you to write to me, because your messages give me strength to keep going...
Thank you!

Beautiful...

2011-08-31T12:02:00.013+02:00

..this song is playing in my mind for weeks now. I have to write again tonight, because today my day was worst than usual and the information I got today, just unacceptable and I really would like to hear your opinion what do you think of all this... is it only me who think this way, or am I wrong??

I am getting so confused by every day how the times pass by, I am waiting things will get better for my kids and me, but seems to be just getting worst..
Like in my other post in Not Afraid I will write under each song line when I can associate my feelings how Marshall felt when he wrote this song.

If you are in here for the first time, I would recommend to read my earlier post Not Afraid first to understand what is going on with me in this last months.

"Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own

Everybody has a private world where they can be alone"

I have been too long on my own with my thoughts, in my private world while I was living with the ex.

Every time he hurt me physically or verbally, I was hiding deep inside this world of mine.. to keep my soul away from him.. because my soul was the only one I had for myself that time..

Some years was harder than the rest, looking at my paintings my hardest part was living with him was in around 2000. That time I was painting the most.. painting give me an escape from reality, like a "drug". When the pain was just so unbearable I started to paint at night and didn't gone to bed until I finished it. That was the only way I managed to stay strong in my soul and keep going.. sadly I only realized it all now a few months ago. As I said before, I had stress attacks nearly every night over a year and they was getting stronger and stronger..my body was telling my brain something was wrong and to make change.

"Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through

Are you reaching out for me, like I'm reaching out for you?"
One day I read someones tweet on my timeline and made me look who she was writing it to, and I started reading his tweets and when I read one of his long message to people, I felt strange the similarity of our thinking and what words he was using, like I was reading my own writing.. but that is another story I might tell you that one day.. it's just got too complicated in my mind.. made me confused, but helped me going through every day with my problems, how I found out more and more horrible things about the ex.

"I'm just so fuckin' depressed, I just can seem to get out this slump

If I could just get over this hump

But I need something to pull me out this dump,

I took my bruises, took my lumps

Fell down and I got right back up

But I need that spark to get psyched back up

In order for me to pick the mic back up"
I am so depressed, seems like I can not get out of this slump. Every day I try to think positive, try to work things out in my head, how I can save my kids from any more pain. But just feels like things are getting worst for me. All that money problems I am facing now, I am working so hard to get my bills paid, buy the school books. Tomorrow we are going shopping a school bag for Gigi, because she will start the school after tomorrow, Edward need a new shoes, my teeth implant need to be paid to be finished..etc the list is going on.
Every day I try to get over on things, but every day something else bad thing happens and I really don't know anymore how I can get more strength to keep going on.
I know if I would not took my kids on a week holiday to Italy, I might be better of financially, but we all needed a break and I am not regretting I took them there. It's gave me some energy and to see my kids faces light up and see them smile when they saw the beautiful seaside at the first time and to see them going in to the sea and spend nearly the whole afternoon there.. that memories you can not buy!!
I am so proud of myself I done it for them all alone, from the money from all my hard work, was worth the sleepless nights and busy days. Thank you again for buying my works.

"I don't know how or why or when I ended up in this position I'm in

I'm starting to feel distant again

So I decided just to pick this pen

Up and try to make an attempt to vent"
I don't know how or when I ended up in this position I am in.
I am thinking of this all the time why I never noticed anything earlier??? I am looking at my old photos and my eyes look like I am not there, like I have something front of my eyes.. like I was blind.
I think he tried to make me a person with his aggressive, negative and nasty behaviour who I never wanted to be, and that's why my eyes was looking strange and distant... the real me was sitting inside me deep down...
Writing is the only thing what make me feel better at the moment and tell people how I feel deep inside my soul.

"But I just can't admit

Or come to grips with the fact that I may be done with rap

I need a new outlet, I know some shit's so hard to swallow

And I just can't sit back and wallow

In my own sorrow

But I know one fact I'll be one tough act to follow

One tough act to follow

I'll be one tough act to follow"
How times gone by and we moved here to Hungary five years ago and I started my business three years ago.
Setting up my own shops on Etsy and work on them to make them successful, that creative work replaced the painting in my life. I was so passionate about to design and create my flowers and jewelry and earn money with it for helping paying the bills.
More I was hurt by the ex verbally, (because in Hungary he did not needed to hit me much, I knew my place by now, when I have to be out of his way or say nothing) more I was working on my shops and escape from reality by it and earn money in the same time.
But now since I realized what was wrong and I have decided to divorce, I lost my passion to design and create. I can not concentrate to do my shops anymore, my hands are shaking when I want to sew or singe the petals, that's why I want to close my shops down very soon.
I wish I can close them down today, but I can not afford to do it, I need to earn money someway to look after my kids.
I got my dreams what I want to do, but I don't know how I will achieve it, I feel weak and tired from all the pain and shock since I found out things what was going on behind my back by the ex..
One thing I know, if I go through it all, I will be stronger than ever, but I wish I have someone who can help me, I feel so lonely in my heart...

"Here today, gone tomorrow

But you have to walk a thousand miles

In my shoes, just to see

What it's like, to be me

I'll be you, let's trade shoes

Just to see what it'd be like to

Feel your pain, you feel mine

Go inside each other's mind

Just to see what we find

Look at shit through each other's eyes"
To write all this down how I feel, people might can understand what I am going through in this months. It's not "only" a divorce anymore, it's more like to get away from a monster who tried to ruin my kids and my life with his sick brain. He knew was something wrong with him, how many times he was holding his head and cried and said to me is something wrong with his mind..he even promised me to go to see the doctor when he gone back to the UK in April.. so he knew what he was doing, but maybe that one was one of his acting again, I have no idea anymore.

"But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful, oh

They can all get fucked.

Just stay true to you

So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful

Oh, they can all get fucked.

Just stay true to you"
I try to stay true to myself, as my friend said in April after I made my decision to divorce and I left the ex..
This words keep me going when I am really down and sad:
"it will feel good because you were true to your heart"

"I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor

Everything is so tense and gloom.."

I am crying still lost of times when my kids can't see me. But today was just too much for me and I was crying nearly all day. I was that upset to be pushed around by the ex still by his solicitor.
He still giving me orders what he want. He want to see my kids when the first court hearing and I am not happy about it all since I know what he was up to on his computer.
When I decided to divorce him in April, the reason was I realized what he done to me all this years and it is not normal to hurt someone and I had enough from the pain he caused me.
But I though even that, I don't want my kids not to have a dad, and I told him can we just be still talk after the divorce for the kids sake and keep the house for them, to not make them suffer anymore by moving to a flat somewhere in the town.
And when I was speaking with my solicitor today, he was telling me all the things what carl wants: sell the house, he take our car away, he will pay child support for the kids.. which is "quite nice" from him, as his previous relation, he haven't paid any child support after his first son. He always told me he don't care about "that" boy at all! That's why he never told my kids he have a son somewhere in the UK.
I do not care about this house at all, I wish I can move away from here in any minute. I only feel sorry for my kids they have to suffer and lose everything they loved, their toys, their comfort just because their father behaving and since three months I knew about his pedophile interest I am not happy him to see or talk to my kids. I feel I am a bad mother if I let them meet. My solicitor said until he is not pleaded guilty, he can do whatever he wants..
My answer for this, in my eyes he is guilty, as I seen what was on his hard drive from underage children having sex with adults, and I only seen a few, because I was nearly vomiting by the disgust and shock who I was living with this long.. so why should I let him to see my kids, when all my bone in my body saying NO!!!

"So why don't you all sit down?

Listen to the tale I'm about to tell

Hell, we don't gotta trade our shoes

And you ain't gotta walk no thousand miles.."
I tell you a true story about my mother, what happened to her.
I did not wanted to talk about this, but I was asking her permission today when I called her up for some details I needed to know, and she said I can write about it, but it will be anonymous??
I told her the truth, it's for my blog and after a few second time she said:
"Yes, you can write about it, I should not be ashamed about it, I was only 7 years old... might someone learn from it." she said that while she was crying...
My mother was sexually abused by her father since she was 7 years old.. she told many times to her mom about her private part hurts and why, but my grandmother always told her to stop lying.
So her father kept abusing her until she got married when she was 19 years old. Then her father started sexually abusing her younger sister too who was 7 years old that time, but my mom after few years later one day was finally stood up for herself and her younger sister and my grandfather was arrested and he got a 10 years prison sentence.. but because of his behaving was good, they halved his time and he only spent 5 years in prison..
...
I never forget the time and that horrible cold quite sound when one day he turned up with a suitcase in his hand at my grandmother's house. We was there at that time and we kids didn't know who was that big man in the doorstep.. and since my mother never let us girls stay there alone in that house..
It's many more stories I could say what happened, but not now..I am so sad for my mom to hear her saying to me on the phone:
"Look my little girl, I am 66 years old now, and I am still having nightmares about what happened what my father did to me.. I am still feeling sick about it.. What I can tell you from my experience, not to let your kids be with someone who has that sort of interest. You are a mother for them, your job is to look after them, no matter what!! Do not do like what my mother did to me, she ruined my life with her ignorance..Everybody was scared of your grandfather, he was a judge, he always told me it's normal what he does, he just loves me like as he loves my mother.. but later when I started growing up he was started threatening me to kill us all if I say anything to anybody..he did shot a bullet from his gun once in the ceiling in 1964, luckily nobody was hurt.."
To hear my mom cry like a child how she was telling me the details when I asked her what exactly happened, I felt so sorry for her and I felt I am her mother for a minute...then she said what really hurts her, that man should be there for her to look after her, and save her from other "bad" people and not to do that stuff, what he did to her..

I had to tell you all this, because I told about what happened to my mom to the ex long time ago.
So he knew about it and he still had them photos on his hard drive, I feel like he back stabbed me.
What hurts me the most he was still looking at that kind of photos on the internet day by day..and that's the main reason I don't want him to do anything with my kids anymore.
The minute he decided to view that child porn, that minute he decided to lose his kids. Because I just can not get it, if someone have that kind of sick interest, what is in their mind????
Is it only me who think it's not a normal thing to do??
And I guess his solicitor knew about by now what his client got on his hard drive, so what an earth they can not just tell him, to get a grip in his life and if he love his kids really do not see them again. That is the best thing he can do.
I am not suggesting anything, I only told you about my fears and I only wrote down facts what happened with my mother.

"Nobody asked for life to deal us

With these bullshit hands we're dealt

We have to take these cards ourselves

And flip them, don't expect no help
The reason I have to write all this down in here, because I have a feeling he will walk away all happy like nothing happened. I feel like I have no help from official people.. When the police man/woman listening to me what are my fears and my reason to not to let him to see my kids, they all understanding how I feel, but they saying he has rights too.. This is the time when I really want to ask them what would you do in my shoes?? Would you let your kids have even a second with that type of person???
I think I know the answer!

Now I could have either just

Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned

Or take this situation in which I'm placed in

And get up and get my own"

"But I already told you my whole life story

Not just based on my description

'cause where you see it from where you're sitting

Is probably 110% different

I guess we would have to walk a mile

In each other's shoes, at least

What size you wear? I wear tens

Let's see if you can fit your feet"
What would you do if you find yourself in my situation??
I really would like to hear your comments, it's so important to me. I feel alone to fight for my rights to be a good mother and just to be want the best for my kids and not disturb them any more.
They are both having a nightmare about their father will brake the front door in and hurt us.
They know how he is like when he is angry and losing his temper! They saw him many times like that.
The day we left him he had Gigi on his arm and he was going in the bedroom to get the mace pepper gun and wanted to use it on my sister and me, with his own kid in his arm... fortunately I was thinking beforehand and hid the gun in my bag. God knows what would happen if he managed to get hold of it, my daughter still talking about that moment how he was saying where is the gun..
I feel will disturb the kids even more if they see him, after all what happened.
My son knows nearly everything what is going on, he had to make a statement at the police station, because he was the witness when the ex hurt me over the years..

"Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own

Everybody has a private world where they can be alone...

So are you calling me, are you trying to get through, oh?

Are you reaching out for me, I'm reaching out for you?"
I am worried about my kids and my future. I just want the best for them, that why I was staying with their father that long to have a real complete family. I done everything to keep this family together, but I had enough..

I feel so alone and depressed in this last weeks, it's no words for it.
I feel, I am going back to my old self.. by closing my heart front of everyone and keep my thoughts and pain inside me again, how I did in this 15.5 years...

"And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes

That fit you, so put 'em on and wear 'em

And be yourself, man, be proud of who you are

Even if it sounds corny,

Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful"
I try to be proud who I am even what happened with me in my life so far and try to deal with all this by my own.
You have no idea what I am going though in this months.. you really do not want to be in my shoes.

It does matter in life where and what family we are come from, I feel I have to fight for my rights all the time to be happy in this world...

Thank you Marshall for your beautiful song to help me to write the story of this dark side of my life.

I really don't know what I can say...

2011-08-22T02:44:00.000+02:00

..so, here I am again after a few weeks of thinking time of what to do next...

The trouble is I haven't really made my final decision yet what I will do.. it's getting harder and harder how is the first divorce court hearing coming up on the middle of September.. the school start soon for my kids in a few days time, bills are coming in faster than I can earn money (the ex haven't give any money for the kids since I left him in April, he don't care what are we living on..I guess, this is one of his plan to make my life harder financially and he is hoping I will have to take him back for that!! ..He really don't know me, I rather not eat, but I would never have him back in my life after what he done with us. If you don't know what I am talking about, please read my earlier blog post: Not Affraid ), soon the ex will take my car away and I have no idea how I will do grocery shopping (we live far away from the town)... so I am feeling pretty depressed about everything..
I wanted to write many times, but I am too scared to do that really important, but so embarrassing blog post I am thinking to write for weeks now..
I want to do it, but I am scared to write it down, but I know until I done that, I will have no rest.
I tried to forget about it in the last 14 years, but I realized to not to talk about it, doesn't make me feel any better or make it like nothing happened years ago.. maybe on one of my sleepless night I will write it all down, when I will be brave enough to do it..

As so many of you know, I closed my shops down on the 10th of August with the intention of not opening them up again, as I am feeling so tired and it's too difficult to concentrate on my orders and I still can not create new designs and can't paint.. only writing can make me feel better.

I would like to say thank you for everybody who was purchasing my works from my stores in the last weeks and made it possible to take my kids on their first real holiday this summer. Without my customers, I couldn't done it.. thank you.

I took my kids to Venice/Italy for a one week vacation, I wish I could had afford to stay there longer, we had a fantastic time there just the three of us. It was so nice to show them such a beautiful places.
The kids loved Venice so much and I surprised them with a trip to the seaside too.
We have spent two days in Jesolo.

They never been in a nice warm seaside like that before. Gigi and Edward loved swimming in the sea and playing in the sand..

Gigi and Edward in Jesolo.

Gigi and me in Venice/Italy. I loved it there, it was so nice to spend some quality time with my kids.

I took so many photos of our holiday, it's so nice to edit them and thinking back on the lovely memories and see myself smiling a little bit on the photos.

To make myself feel better tonight, I was changing down my twitter avatar and background, and my other websites profile pictures.

I wish we can go away again very soon, because this is the only way I could survive all this horrible things happening around me and give me some energy to deal with things.

Gigi and Edward in Venice, they loved it!

It was a nice change for me too, to try getting away from the everyday chores and worries.. but I was still thinking lots of my future alone with my two kids, and still don't know what is next..

..what I know, I need to reopen my shops again to earn money, until I figure this "crap" out, what happened around me in the last months..

I am just hoping things will get better for me soon, because it's just so unbearable at the moment, I feel exhausted.. I really need some rest, but I know I can't have any yet, everything just starting soon, I am so scared what is next..

I need to focus what I need to do to make my kids life better, to start a new life the only three of us, but it's so hard to set a new life up until we are in this family house, where everywhere I look, memories coming back to me.. I hate it..

I just feel alone, so lonely in my heart.. it's hurt so much..

I am suffering, but I have to be strong for my kids and smile for them, even I don't feel like it..

I took this photo to the way to Italy and was thinking of the saying: "There's always a light at the end of a tunnel.."

... unless it's night time in my case, because this is how I feel at the moment.. I still can not see the light...

Not Afraid

2011-07-20T13:21:00.012+02:00

I did not want to write about this just yet, to not to interfere with the Police investigation.

But today I feel like I was pushed into the corner and I have to write it down what is really going on around me.

I don't really know where should I begin..

First I want to explain why I am using Eminem song "Not Afraid" with my story.
I did not like Eminem at all, my son is a big fan and he started writing rap lyrics a few months ago.
But every time my son was mentioning Marshall's name, I was always seeing that singer with a mask on and a chainsaw in his hand.
One night I searched him up, because I was worried my son listening to his music most of the times and I found one of his old song and I did not like it how he was swearing in it.

But one day, on the 23rd of May my son was telling me to listen to a "Not Afraid" song and when I first listen to Marshall's lyrics, I felt so many similarities how I felt in the last months...
I so understand what he was or still going through, I would love to talk with him one day about it...

I will write under each song line when I can associate my feelings how Marshall felt when he wrote his song.

I am listening to his "Recovery" album on my iPod nearly every night when I am having my exercise on the cross-trainer while my kids asleep.

Marshall's words are comforting me, even how he swears, as I know from my own experience when everything is just too much and look so hopeless, I tend to swear too, because this is how I can express how helpless I feel...

So let's begin my story with the help of Marshall's words:

"I'm not afraid to take a stand"

I was waiting exactly 2 months now for the police to deal with my problem, but I have to tell people what is really going on. I can not keep it to myself anymore, I am a mother and my kids are the most important to me. I can not sleep, I can not create as I did before, that is one of the reason I decided to close down my shops very soon..this information is slowly ruining my life...

Two months ago I had to give the ex old broken down laptop hard drive for the police in Hungary (was my solicitor advice to check his hard drive out if he was cheating on me, as my son searched his YouTube user name up one evening and he found many sexual related comments on young girls videos), which was full with extreme/abnormal pornographic images and videos and so many of the photos was indecent images of children (child porn). The ex was viewing them day by day back in 2009... he was visiting this pedophile websites when he was staying and working in the UK. That laptop was broken down in the end of 2009 and he took the hard drive out and kept it in the UK and he bought the laptop back to Hungary to mend it, but my nephew could not mend it, as the hard drive wasn't in it. The ex only bought back the hard drive end of last year, but he told me not to sell it with the laptop, as it's needs to be destroyed, because of contains some videos and photos of me and him having sex...
Don't need to say, not many photos was on it from me.. but I found many naked photos of my younger sister and from one of my UK friend amongst hundreds of porn images and videos what he could not delete from the hard drive as the laptop was broken down. Just remember how he was always telling me how to delete data from the laptop hard drive to make sure nobody can recover it..never understood why was so important for him to say that or do it, but now I know why...

"Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm"
Since I decided to divorce him, I was walking from my older sister's flat to the court, police station, child welfare office, because I felt I need to walk off my stress...
This half an hour walks helped me think what is going on in my life.

"Just let you know that, you're not alone

Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road"
I do feel so alone, even my older sister and her family helping me so much to talk about all this.
They are my biggest support, without them I could not leave the ex on that day on the 16th of April.
They were always there with me when something new happened, when I've learned something new about the ex.
But even that, I am still feeling lonely at night when the kids asleep and I can't, because my mind not letting me rest.

"Yeah, It's been a ride...

I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one"
That's right.. I do believe everything is happening for a reason.
At the moment I still don't know what is the reson for all this, but hopefully I will find it out soon.

"Now some of you might still be in that place

If you're trying to get out, just follow me

I'll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take this thing out these words before I say 'em

Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem

When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn

What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world

Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing's stopping me"

I do not care what people will say about me after reading this post.
I am doing this for me, I waited long enough for the police to sort something out, but I been told today by the Hungarian police, to have underage porn photos on someones hard drive and to view them is not "that serious offence" in Hungary...
The UK police was telling me today, to stop calling them because the Hungarian police is dealing with it and when I said what about his new laptop, they don't feel the urgency to check that one out if they already know that man have a pedophile interest??? He is in the UK, so what is stopping them to take him in to questioning him. He already blackmailed me a few weeks ago with some of my photos he took from me, he will put it up on his twitter page.

"I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly

And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony

No if ands or buts don't try to ask him why or how can he.."

The ex tried to change me to a person who I never wanted to be..
Now I am finally getting back to my old self, who I was.
While I lived with him I hated it when people took a photo of me, but now I am the one who takes lots of photos of myself, especially from my eyes.. I am proud again who I am, not scared to show my eyes anymore. I do believe eyes are the window to the soul.

"...You said you was king, you lied through your teeth"

I had enough with the ex lies.
I think he don't even remember when he lies and when he tells the truth anymore.

"...There's a game called circle and I don't know how

I'm way too up to back down"
Once I made my decision, it's no way back. I got too far now to back down.
I hope I will have the strength to finish this and get out of this by myself.

"But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out"
I am thinking all day and all night about all this why I never noticed anything, why I was thinking what that man was doing to me was normal? I am kicking myself to be that naive and stupid not to see who is he really...

"Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't"
I have no plans for my feature with my kids yet. That's why I want to close my shops soon, to focus what should I do next and to put my life back together again for my kids.

"This fucking black cloud still follow's me around

But it's time to exercise these demons

These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!"
I thought to leave the ex was the hardest part for me, after all that what he done with me in this 15.5 years.
Since I put the divorce papers in the 6th of May 2011, I found out that horrible truth about him, I was living with a pedophile.. This makes me sick to think about every day and every night... what he was thinking after he was viewing them underage kids porn images??? Where did he got the website links from?? I don't think you can Google this kind of stuff in the internet.
He got a 14 years old son and a 6 years old daughter. What a fuck he had in his mind??? This man is a monster and as much I am concern I am divorced from him. I don't need to wait for a piece of paper, what some strangers will sign I am officially divorced. I finished with him in a day I decided to divorce him on the 12th of April 2011.
Every time something new I found out about the ex. I said: "This can not be any worst than that!" but always did, so I am not saying this anymore, I am so scared what else I will find out about him...

So..

"I'm not afraid to take a stand...

And I just can't keep living this way

So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage

I'm standing up, Imma face my demons

I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground

I've had enough, now I'm so fed up

Time to put my life back together right now"
I had enough today with all that phone calls and waiting, it's everything happening too slow.
I have other worries, but I really can't write about that here, it's too personal for me...
I feel strong again to face him one day, he mean nothing to me anymore, he is a nobody in my eyes.
I trust the lowest person in the world more than I would ever trust him again.
I am sorting my life out since I realized it in April what he done with me, I am working on it every day to make it better for my kids.I wish I noticed things earlier, I feel like I wasted 15.5 years of my life, the only thing I will never regret is to have two children.

"It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me

Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you

So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through

And don't even realise what you did, believe me you

I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger

I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of

My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead"
I cried so many times, days and nearly all night, every night...
It's so hard to get answers to my questions, to try to work it out in myself what was going on with me in this 15.5 years, how he made me not to see the real him...
I think he done it one by one, every day treated me bad, but every time he cried and said sorry, he said he can't stop himself to be nasty to people and I am just too good hearted and he slime his way back to me like a snake...

"No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise

To focus soley on handling my responsibility's as a father

So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it

You couldn't lift a single shingle on it"
As I said, I am a mother and my kids the most important for me. I need to focus what I need to do next.
I want to do everything I can, to make my kids life happy and raise them to be a healthy adults.

"Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club

Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up

Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon

But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and"

I am not afraid to take a stand...

Thank you Marshall to gave me the strenght with your words and feelings to help me through all this crap, and write this post.

PS: I wrote this post on the 18.07.2011., but I was thinking to publish it or not...

now I did, I have nothing to hide...

I had so many restless nights since exactly two months now I know about what was the ex was up to and the only way I can move on if I bring it to everyone's attention.

Some people might think I should not done it, but it's my life and I needed to do it.

Take me as I am, I will not hide something what I was never been aware of and I want people to learn from my mistake, by not noticing what was the ex up to... who I was living with 15.5 years and gave my life to, gave two children for him and believed him...

...even if only one person will learn from this, it's worth it to write it all down.

To Mary Sunshine

2011-07-19T13:28:00.004+02:00

Dear Mary Sunshine,

I hope you will read this message, because your opinion is really important to me.

Thank you so much for your message on my post. I read it many, many times and I am so touched by your honesty and your kind understanding words.

Your comment mean a lots to me, you have no idea how much strength it gave me to know people out there with a similar problems what I have.

Not many people understand the pain I am going through in this last months, but you can not blame them, as only people would understand who was or still in the similar situation like us...

You said: "I'm really proud of you to be able to talk about this and share it with others who care for you or could be in a similar situation."

This few words give me a warm feeling in my heart, even you said, you are a stranger, but I really feel you care for me, to let me know how you feel.

I can not thank you enough for this message of yours.

No, you are not a stranger to me now, as it's only a definition who we call strangers... you are touched my soul, even I don't know you in person and maybe I will never meet you, but even that I feel that you was caring for me in that few minutes while you was writing to me.

I know might sound strange, but I feel you was much closer to my heart with your one message, than living with the ex for 15.5 years..I know it's sound sad, but that is the truth.

I would like to ask a question and your answer is really important to me.

Would you write about something on your blog what really hurts you, made you so angry since you know about it the last two months and give you restless nights?? You feel, you can not deal with it alone anymore, even after two months, you still feel the same anger, you feel the same hopeless and helpless what will happen next.

I already wrote it down for myself last night/early this morning.

I thought to write it down will help me to feel better, but I still feel so strongly about it to publish it on my blog, to make other people aware of this things and I do not want to hide what I found out about the ex. two months ago.

Please tell me, would you write about it??

I can not run away from my problems...

2011-07-11T12:46:00.002+02:00

Where should I start? First maybe I should say, I am away with my kids from home for 4 days now, I wanted to stay away longer at my auntie's place, but I can't do it.. I realized I can not run away from my problems and I need to earn money again to pay my bills, so I made my decision early this morning while my little girl was vomiting at 3.30am (I think she was eating so many things yesterday and she got a tummy bug, but she is feeling better now), I will have to take them back home and try to sort things out in my life...

I did put my shops on vacation mode last week, and I still feel the same way, I will close them down once I sold nearly everything out of them. I will need to reopen my shops today and even I lost my passion to design and make my flowers and jewelry, I still need to keep doing it, as long I will found my way out of this emotional mess I am at the moment... and I need to earn money for to pay my bills and implants in the end of August.

I still feel so lost, I can't create anymore as I used to and this makes me feel upset, because creating was my life, but I hope one day I will be back to myself again, the same girl who I was before I got married.

At this moment my kids are the most important in my life, I try to do my best to give them everything what I can. I just wish I am over with this emotional stress soon, as I am still not over with the shock which was caused by the realisation of who I was living for this long.

I try not to feel sorry for myself and move on, but it is just so hard, as my heart is not with me anymore...

I would like to thank everybody who was helping me to raise money for my implants surgery last month. I am truly touched by the messages and comments I have received by closing down my shops.

Here is some of the messages I have received, which makes me feel I am not a waste of a time in this world, and I already made some people happy with my creations and touched their soul with my art...thank you!! :

"Hi Marianna,

I am sad to hear that you are closing your shop. You are a wonderful artist and I hope that someday you will be able to share your talents again. I wish you the very best - and hope that all goes well for you! Take good care of yourself! ~ Catherine"

"I'm going to miss your shop! I adore your items! If you ever start selling somewhere else please let me know. :) I get endless compliments on the earrings I bought from you last year. Thank you for the discount. I know as a shop owner how much that hurts after you work so hard to make things. Mahalo, Danielle"

"Sad to see you go. Best wishes :) Your jewellery is beautiful and I will miss looking through it all but I understand.~Katy"

"Marianna, Sorry to hear that you are closing your shop. Your flowers are so beautiful and original. Hope all is well and good luck! ~Ashley "

"Sorry to read that you are closing.... I love your shop and wish you the best ~ Mariah"

"I've wanted one of these for a long time, so I guess I'd better buy it before you're closed. I wish you the best for the future. Charlotte"

"Thanks again so sorry you are shutting down. I will miss your work! Lynn"

"Hi Marianna... Thanks for your beautiful work... Laura"

"Your work looks beautiful. It's clear you put time and passion into each piece. Cannot wait to receive these works of art. ~ Courtney"

"Sorry to hear your closing your shop. These little bird rings are just adorable and I think everyone should have one. I wish you much success in your life and to maybe see you back on etsy in the future! I'll be keeping an eye out :) ~ Sarah"

"I am so sorry to see that you are closing your shop. I love the earrings that I purchased from you.

thanks-Carole"

"I'm very sorry to hear about you closing your shop.You are a wonderful artist.

I wish you the very best in your journey! ~ Fotini"

It's been a long time..

2011-07-04T12:14:00.010+02:00

It's been a long time I was writing here, but so many things happened with me and I just did not felt to write anything here.. I think the main reason is I still feel so lost..

If you are following me on Twitter most of you know it by now I am divorcing after 15 years marriage.

It's all started a few months ago when I realised I lived with a wrong person who never deserved me, I thought I married my love, but now I realised that was just an illusion, I never loved him, I cared for him and only felt sorry for him right from the beginning of our relation..

I felt sick for over a year now, nearly every night I had stress attacks, couldn't breathe, and I didn't know what was cause of it.. I know it now, my heart couldn't take any more pain and sorrow and was showing me I have to stop what I am doing..

The realisation hit me between end of March and beginning of April not long before our upcoming 15th wedding anniversary, I was writing a 100 facts about me on twitter and I slowly realised I am unhappy and sad in my marriage and later when I was finally told my older sister everything what happening in my marriage, I found out what my ex done with me was wrong, should not happen in a marriage and a day later I found out from a domestic violence helpline link, what my good friend sent me, he done nearly everything with me what was describing domestic violence over this 15.5 years since I know him..

that made me sick and I cried for days and didn't know what I will do when he is back from the UK in 2 days time.. once I knew who I was living with I was so scared of him and didn't wanted to live with him one more day, I didn't wanted to give him one more day of my life..

The time come to pick him up from the airport and while I was driving there with my little girl, I was listening to Il Divo CD in our car..I got that disc a few years ago for Christmas, but never really listen to it, maybe the ex put it in last time he was home..

so I was listening to their songs and the 8th track was playing in the car, and I was listening to it's lyrics of "The Man you love" and I bursted out crying and I cried the whole way to the airport listening to that one song over and over again.. it was so hard to stop crying before I've pulled up at the entrance and after the ex was asking what is wrong I said, I got a migraine and I told him to sit in the back next to my daughter, hoping he will not notice I have changed.. but he was watching me in the rear mirror nearly all way through while I was driving.. was a horrible feeling for me and I still didn't know how and when I can tell him I want to divorce him...

Then we arrived home after one hour drive and it's all come out after dinner after he was mentioning our wedding anniversary in after tomorrow.. then he started a huge argument again and he was threaten me to hit me again and then I turned around and told him "You will never ever touch me again!!"

then after he watched something on the tv with the kids after he went to bed with my daughter and after Gigi fallen asleep next to him I gone in the bedroom and I told him I want a divorce..

he was all calm and said he wanted to divorce me years ago.. what was surprising me, I think that was just one of his game again to know if I have anybody in my life.. I felt sorry for him again and made me cry and I was thinking maybe I should stay with him, I felt sorry for him again, what he will do without us..

I hardly had any sleep, I was so scared what he will do to me if I fall asleep (my son had the same worry as me, what his father will do to me during the night) and what happens tomorrow and the next day he was angry and shouted with me again and called me bad names, how much a bitch I am, to take his kids away from him, but my son said: "I want to stay with my mom, yes mom is right you are the bad one dad!" My son saw nearly everything over this years, only a few things he haven't witnessed and that was when the ex raped me a few times.. I tried to forget all this, but I can't everything is coming back to me again...

So after a huge argument I left with my kids with my older sister's help and stayed with her and family in her flat for 4 days, until the ex left Hungary, because of the police restraining order, which I had to do, I can not live that long at my sister's place without clean clothes with two kids, because the ex hoping I will feel sorry for him again and will continue our life how it was before.. but since I know what he done with me, I never ever want to see him again.. I already put the divorce papers in and waiting for the court hearings which will start in September.

So, the reason I am writing all this down, for you to understand what I am going through in this last months and to help me to get over my feelings and find myself again, to be a girl who I was...

Listening to this Il Divo's song this morning I wanted you to know, I am listening this one song over and over again every time I am driving our car, when I am going to the police station, to see the solicitor, going to the court, the child welfare office, the council office the psychologist to the hospital for having a surgery... that one song give me a strength to keep doing what I am doing... hoping one day a man will love me the way as it's said in that song...but deep in my heart I know the answer... this will never happen, that unconditional love not exist...

Easter Sunday

2011-04-25T23:26:00.000+02:00

Edward and Gigi are so excited about the Easter Egg hunt.

Who do you think will find the most chocolate eggs?

First they was looking in the lounge...

Edward picked his little sister up to get the eggs from the top of the glass cabinet.

It was hard to find the eggs in the always messy study :)

Look what Jessie found one egg too on the chair in the kitchen :)

Edward is just too fast to take a photo of, while Gigi looking around her kitchen.

Jessie really enjoyed her first Easter in our family. Since Gigi got her in February, she takes her everywhere and call her little sister. So I have three kids now :)

Gigi found the most eggs.

My little monkey :)

Edward love Easter so much!

Gigi has found more under the table mats.

Same as Edward.

Our breakfast. Kids are eating chocolate balls cereal and me corn flakes with sugar...yes, I know I shouldn't put sugar on it.

Edward said it's looks like we are having rabbit droppings and bird food :)

Jessie having strawberry tart and milk.

Before lunch we was painting some eggs.

Only painted six eggs.

Gigi helping me to put the eggs in the glass bowl.

Since I was a child, my mum always made this Easter dish. It's sliced smoked/cooked ham, sausages and boiled eggs. We are have it with horseradish sauce and brioche.

This Easter food my kids favorite too.

Mothers day

2011-04-10T23:10:00.004+02:00

Last Sunday was Mother's day.
Gigi and Edward gave me their surprise in the morning what they have made a night before.

Gigi's little card, handmade by her. I love how she always put little hearts on top of her name.

She wrapped up some of her little stuff as a present for me in a tissue paper...now I know where is all that Kleenex gone.

Poor little darling, she had a cold.

Edward made me this card with a reflecting paper inside like a mirror.

I am so happy to have such a kids like them to make a day special for me.

I don't need to say, I was in tears...

100 facts About Me

2011-04-08T23:55:00.003+02:00

1) I'm Hungarian.I speak fluently in English,but not as good as I really want it. I'm constantly unsure if I say it right.

2) My husband is British. We met in Hungary and lived in England for 11 years.

3) We moved to Hungary a few years ago to give our kids a longer childhood.

4) I have been married for 15 years

5) I have a 14 year old son and a 6 year old daughter.

6) I do believe everything is happening for a reason.

7) I’m a romantic person, love watching romantic films. One of my favorite film is: Enchanted from Disney.

8) I was always wishing to be taller when I was young. I am only 5 foot …I got use to it now.

9) I have a reading glasses,but I don’t like to wear it. Actually I wear it tonight,as my eyes hurts so much.

10) Don’t have time to read books anymore, but I love reading on the internet.

11) When I got married, I couldn’t cook. I learned from myself and from my friends and it's become one of my passion.

12) I was addicted to Coca Cola, but I haven’t had any for nearly a year now.

13) I don’t have any tattoos and I will never have one.

14) I used to eat sand when I was a child. I still remember the taste of it…it tasted like a sunshine.

15) When I was young and single I have been in many places and countries. Loved it!

16) I love stepping on a dry crunchy leaf, love to hear the noise of it.

17) One of my dream is to live near the Sea.

18) I love watching the Sea.

19) I miss watching the Sea.

20) Little things can make me happy in life.

21) I love Spring, because reminds me of new beginnings in life.

22) I love Summer, because my kids are home with me all day long.

23) I love Autumn, because of the beautiful colours of the leaves.

24) I love Winter when it’s snowing, everything looks so magical…

25- The last few years I don’t like it when someone taking photo of me.

26) One of my passion is taking photos around me. I take approx. 100 picture a day, usually from my work.

27) I swear lots when I am angry.

28) Most of the time so hard to make me angry, other times one look is enough…

29) I love learning things.

30) Art is my life. Every day I NEED to create something.

31) Most of the times I wish I was born English. I could speak and write better in English.

32) I can see better with my heart…

33) I love following my heart...but it's not always a good way...

34) I am scared of frogs. My mum told me, when I was a few months old baby I was laying in the garden and a frog jumped on my face, she didn’t took it off, because she was scared of it too. So she waited until the frog jumped off my face…

35) Before I met my husband I lived in France for over a year, I loved it! But I only can say a few word in French.

36) When I lived in France and visited my French friend’s family, they heard I am scared of frogs… so they surprised me and cook some frog legs for lunch. I thought they are small chicken drums, so I had a bite and after I swallowed it they told me what I just had… I was so close to throw up on the dining table… and was sick for days

37) My parents divorced when I was 16 years old, after a really bad marriage. I wish they divorced much earlier…

38) I am addicted to the internet, especially Twitter.

39) I have my iPod next to my bed and I wake up several times during the night to check if I got any emails.

40) Love seafood, and I miss it so much.

41) I used to sleep well,but now I’m scared going to bed and sleep. I have stress attacks at night, can't breathe.

42) I try to learn Japanese by myself from books and from my iPod apps.

43) one of my dream is to visit Japan when the sakura blossoms in spring time.

44) Sometimes I do wonder,what would had happened if I don’t meet my husband… but then I feel bad to even think such a things like that, because I would not have two lovely children.

45) I had a postnatal depression after my son was born. I denied it for years...I felt lonely.

46) I still feel lonely.

47) I believe in after life in some way.Our soul can't die just like that. It come from somewhere and will go somewhere...

48) One of my saddest moment was in my life, when i had to say goodbye to my father in law on the phone and explain to my kids why they have to say bye to him...my husband was in the UK with his father in the hospital. Just thinking of it made me cry again...

49) I am worried too much about things, what I can't change.

50) I have only one mug of coffee a day after my breakfast cereal in the morning. I like to be alone while I am drinking my coffee in the morning. This few minutes get me ready for a day.

51) When I was 17, I was sending myself a parcel, because I liked the boy who was deliver it.

52) I don’t like when people are walking in our house with their shoes on. I like keep my floor clean.

53) I am washing my hands far too much in the day. Especially while I am cooking.

54) I hate touching raw meat when i am cooking,I always wear disposable rubber gloves while I am cutting or washing a meat.

55) I am taking step by step photos of my recipes and when I'll have some time, I want to write a cookbook for my kids.

56) My kids always come first in my life. I would do anything for them.

57) Not one day goes by to tell my kids, how much I love them!

58) If I shout with my kids in a day,I feel so bad at night when I see them asleep while I put their blankets back on them.

59) I used to pray at night before I went to sleep. Not a real pray, just a custom made one...my own pray. I am not doing it anymore, maybe I should.

60) I have more friends on the internet, than in real life.

61) While I'm writing all this facts about myself,making me know myself better...me think. Definitely making me feel better

62) My mum always told me, not to play with the fire, because I will wet my bed at night. I am burning the fabric petals every day for my flowers with a candle and I have never wet my bed yet...

63) I had many jobs in my life. Actually I learnt to be a shoe designer/maker. The reason was, I couldn't get in the art school when I was 14, so I had to learn something. But even I wasn't that interested to make shoes, I was still the best with one other girl in our class. She still makes shoes...

64) Since I remember, I always wanted to be an artist. I would love to have my own exhibition one day of my paintings only.

65) I have a painting in my Etsy shop (The Mysterious Moon),what I have priced at stupid high, because I don't really want to sell it, but if someone willing to pay that much for it, it would mean he or she would love it as much I do. I think I would hand deliver it, to make sure it will arrive in a perfect condition.

66) Every time I paint a painting, I feel like I have a bit of my soul inside. Every time I sell a painting I am crying, and feel sad to say bye to it...

67) I love sculpting too, but I haven't got a space to work with clay. It could be really messy.

68) I believe: What does not kill us will make us stronger.

69) I was working in a flower shop once. Loved working with fresh flowers, but I was hating when I had to take orders for a funerals and see the cried out eyes, so I left.

70) I was working as a barmaid once in my sister boyfriend's nightclub. Was fun, that when I met my husband.

71) I hate cigarette smoke, but I was smoking when I was working in the nightclub. Smoking helped me to bear other peoples smoke. Since I left that job, I don't smoke anymore.

72) I have a very sensitive nose. I am really good at sensing smells.

73) I hate my short hair right now, can't wait when it's grow long again.

74) I don't like smiling, I have a crooked teeth on top. I wanted them fixed when I was in my 20's, but the dentist said I am too old for it now. Maybe I should ask someone else? I would love to have nice straight teeth.

75) I do believe in telepathy. I have a sense of feel when someone who close to my heart is thinking about me.

76) My star sign is Lion. I was a true Lion, but now I feel, I am more like a house cat.

77) At my 1st pregnancy (with my son) when I was 27 years old, I couldn't understand what is going on in my body, I don't mean biologically. I was so scared of everything. I wish I had someone to talk about it, I felt alone in the UK. I wish I had skype then and I could talk to my sisters every day.

78) I truly enjoyed being pregnant with my 2nd child (my little daughter). I know what to expect. I loved the feeling of a little life in my body...I miss being pregnant sometimes.

79) I am always taking a full responsibility for my actions, but I hate when someone blaming me for something what I haven't done.

80) My husband and me know each other so much, sometimes we have an argument without saying any word...

81) When I was 19, my boss was asking me to be a manager of the cake shop, but I turned her down. I am still regretting my decision. But how I always say, everything is happening for a reason.

82) My best ever personal possession is my iPod Touch. Bit annoyed with the fact, after a few months of buying it, Apple bought out the new iPod with the camera. I so want one.

83) I am too critical to myself. I am thinking for long before I do something. But after I made my decision is no way back.

84) I love this quote from Kung Fu Panda: "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, and that is why it's called the present"

85) Every time my kids away from me in school,I'm so worried they will be hurt or have an accident.I try to think positive,but the fear is always in me...

86) I used to be scared of driving after I've passed my test in Hungary. I had to take a driving test again in the UK by law (was no EU that time) and I am so grateful to my driving instructor who teach me and gave me a confidence and her knowledge...I love driving now.

87) I don't do politics.I don't understand or maybe I don't want to understand.But I'm constantly reading the news what happening in the World.

88) I accept, need and appreciate criticism from people who love me truly for who I am, but I can't bare it when someone criticising my work only to try break my wings to make me fly no more.

89) Looking back in my life,I have no regrets.I am thankful for people and events (even for bad ones) to make me a person who I am now.

90) I love walking when I take and bring home my daughter from kindergarten.These walks help me to clear my head and help me to think.

91) I do believe in angels...they are out there to look after us, you just need to open your heart and they can find you.

92) I always wonder what I am going to do with my life.

93) I like painting at night alone,when everyone asleep.I feel refreshed after,better than sleeping.

94) I am so thankful for the people who supporting my art and buying them. Without them, I couldn't do what makes me happy in life.

95) Usually I work on my online shops and creations 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week, it's not a complain,it's a fact.

96) I am not much a celebrity follower.I can have a long conversation with someone and I still would not know who they are.I always looking at the person inside, not what they are famous for.

97) I never forget the feeling,when straight after my daughter's birth,the nurse put my little girl on my tummy...one of the best feeling I have ever experienced.

98) My husband promised me,if I would get an invite from @MarthaStewart to show how I make my flowers in her craft channel,he would let me go alone to the US for a few weeks. That will never happen, because I think Martha is not featuring artists/crafters outside the US.

99) I have a fear of heights, but I would love to go up on the Eiffel tower and look at Paris and take some photos.

100) As my friend said in his list, it must be my OCD that is making me finish this list of 100 totally useless facts about myself.

I am in love with spring

2011-04-06T23:04:00.007+02:00

Last week was so beautiful and sunny, so I took my camera with me when I picked my little daughter up from kindergarten.

I hope will make you as happy, as did me when I took this photos.

If you click on the photos, you can see them in larger size.

Almond blossoms.

I don't know why, but the sky looks different blue in Hungary, than in the UK.

I always wanted to take close up photos from bees. Now I got it.

I was right close to the bees, when I took this photos. My camera lens had some pollen on it.

Was so many bees on this little tree, but none of them wanted to sting me.

I think they felt I don't want to hurt them...

I like this bee the best. Can you see his left wing is damaged.

I would love to stroke him very gently...

I am so happy for this shot!

Here is my favorite again with a damaged wing.

He come back to me to take more picture of him...

Sometimes I Don't Feel Like Flying...

2011-04-02T18:20:00.006+02:00

...like today. I need to stop and think where I am going...

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, they must be felt...
Featured artworks from my fellow artists.

Thank you thedreamygiraffe for the title.

Pensive by timemovingslow

Heartbroken by amomentpreserved

Island by kathyhare

She Cried A Song For You Today by shawnaerback

my lonely nights by 4UrEyesOnly

Sad Faerie by BelieveEternal

Blue by AndiPace

Broken Wing by BestArtStudios2

Earthquake Relief for Japan

2011-03-30T17:16:00.004+02:00

The earthquake in Japan, makes me think every single day of the people who lost their life or their loved ones...people who lost their homes...

Last weekend I designed something to sell in my supply shop on Etsy.

100% of proceeds of this items will go to the American Red Cross via PayPal. This morning I've already donated some money from my previous sales from my Accessories shop on Etsy.

Here are some photos of the making...

I hand cut each raindrops from a vintage Hungarian book.

Then I cut out lots of hearts with a die cutter.

I sew the hearts together to make a garland.

It's over one yard long.

You can use this heart garland in your home or office to show you love and give some help for the people in Japan.

This raindrop garland would look nice in the window or use it as a window display in your shop if you got one.

For someone special...

2011-03-29T10:07:00.013+02:00

I want to show you what I made for someone really special to me, who I've never met...I only saw photos of him.

When I heard from his uncle it's his Birthday, I wanted to send him a present.

First I was thinking to send one of my textured paintings, I made last year...

but then I wanted to make him something really special, what I have never made before: a touch and feel painting, because he is blind and autistic.

First I put some acrylic paint and some natural jasmine oil with the paint on the canvas.

This oil is made for use with acrylic or oil paints. It will give a nice scent to the painting, as I want to paint some flowers on the canvas.

I blended the three colors and added some more red and two tone blue paint.

I'm still not sure what else I want to paint (except the flowers), I'm just following my heart...

I've used a 3D paint to make little white flowers.

I painted some fluffy clouds too...

...but wasn't as fluffy when I touched them, so I glued some cotton wool on it the next day after the paint has dried.

I cut out tiny little wings from organza fabric and singed them for making some butterflies.

Look how small they are.

Then I hand sewn them to the canvas with glass beads.

While I was making this painting, I couldn't stop thinking:...will he like it?...

Tiny butterflies are fluttering around the little flowers.

I wanted to symbolise the stars, so I hot glued some Swarovski crystals on the sky.

I have to be careful not to burn the canvas while I am applying each crystal...

I wasn't happy with the texture of the painted flowers, so I decided to cut out some petals from silk and...

...I've sewn them with glass beads to the canvas.

I am happy with the flowers now.

The finished painting...

... I wish I could be there to see his face when he will touch and feel the painting.

I had to make a box for it, to make sure will not be damaged during shipping.

I made this painting with so much love and I am hoping he will like it...

Nature is the biggest artist

2011-03-06T01:20:00.004+01:00

I found these photos today in my photo album. I took them on New Year's Eve 2010.

When I woke up in the morning and looked out in the window to our garden, I've noticed this beautiful art what Mother Nature left us. I just had to take some photos and show them for you.

I wanted to take a clear undisturbed shots, free from any garden background and the black paper behind the angel helped me to achieve that.

Click on the images to see them in larger size.

I took this photo from the lamp post. It's amazing how the icicle standing away from the post.

I love this little angel in our garden, she has such a sweet face.

Choose your wedding colors for Brides, Bridesmaids and Flower girls headpiece

2011-02-08T22:26:00.001+01:00

I am finally introducing my new custom color hair flowers in my shop.

Now you can choose from 12 beautiful colors to match your wedding colors.

Just send me a message here or via my Etsy shop with your color choice and how many flower you would love to have and I will make a custom order listing for your in my Etsy shop.

Colors are available:

1.Tiffany blue

2.Blue

3.Navy Blue

4.Apple green

5.Lemon yellow

6.Peach

7.Hot pink

8.Salsa red

9.Orange

10.Soft pink

11.White

12.Lavender

Here is a photo of the making of the flowers from the petals.

My flowers are 100% handmade, all petals were carefully hand cut and shaped by me.
Original MGM creation, don't settle for an imitation.

Lunch and Apple Crumble

2011-02-05T18:38:00.003+01:00

I did not wanted to write about our lunch today, but when I cut the red onion up and I saw the beautiful gradient colour of the onion looked so artistic. So I took a photos from it and I was in the mood by then to take a pictures of our lunch today what I made for my kids and me.

I made some toast with butter and caviar.
And put some of that lovely sweet chopped red onions on the top of the caviar.

We are drink every day fruit tea from our large fruit tea collection with our lunch. Today we had plum tea with a hint of cinnamon...oh that one taste so good!

I bought some Granny Smith apples and after lunch I made some apple crumble.

It's quite easy to make.

I sliced them up in an ovenproof dish and sprinkled some raisins on top.

For the pastry you need 2oz (60g) butter, 2oz (60g) sugar and 4oz (120g) flour. Or if you would like to make more, what you need to know, the flour is always the double amount of the butter and sugar.

Crumble them together and sprinkle over the sliced apple and raisin.

Bake it in the oven for 35-45 minutes in 150 Celsius.

I served it warm with vanilla ice cream.

My kids love this dessert so much.

The last minute Christmas presents.

2011-01-01T14:57:00.003+01:00

My little daughter Gigi loves writing and drawing, as any 6 yrs old. I thought I will make her a mini journal for Christmas. I had some pretty embroided pink rose ribbon with gold details, I used it as a book cover and for the in liner I sew an apple green satin ribbon. For the pages I hand cut some watercolor paper.

I loved making the journal so much, I made some for sale in my Etsy shop too.

Gigi told me the night before Christmas she would love to have a ballerina shoes. While she and my husband was baking a mince pie, I started working on her last minute present.

She loves making the pastry for the pie :)

Here it is, first I started sewing the top of her shoes. I've used her old silk pyjamas and a grown out white t-shirt.

The sole of the shoes made from my son's old jeans and my daughter old t-shirt. Here I am sewing the sole and the top together. While I was wondering if the size will fit her or not...

The little ballerina shoes are finished, I only need to sew some ribbon on the back of the shoes to hold a long pink satin ribbon tie.

Next morning Gigi and Edward are opening up their Christmas presents.

The shoes are just fit on her cute little feet :) Here comes a big cuddle from big brother.

Love this photo so much!!

Footprints in the snow...

2010-12-03T10:46:00.001+01:00

That is strange...I just read the @OfficialBanker tweet this morning and found something about the footprints in the snow. Actually this is the quote of his tweet: "Footprints in the snow ruined my usual Thursday night game of Knock and Run. " -yeah, I know he is quite naughty, but so funny. Love reading his comments :)

Anyway, so I read that and found it strange, because I had a similar idea -not knocking on someone's door :) - this morning when I took my camera with me when I was walking with my kids to school/kindergarten...

The place we live, is quite small and not many people are using a footpath from our house to the village. Everyone likes driving to school to drop the kids off, but not me. I am enjoying the walk every day with my kids, this way we can talk about things.

This morning how I was walking back home alone I have noticed the footprints of ours was still untouched in the snow.

...and here is my two darling, Edward and Gigi :)

Headpiece ideas for Brides, Bridesmaids and Flower girls

2010-11-24T21:43:00.004+01:00

Sweet little white flower with Russian tulle, the perfect combination for the Bride who don't like the traditional veil.

Beautiful white chiffon organza fabric and tulle flower fascinator.

Gorgeous peacock feather and organza flower fascinator for Brides, Bridesmaids or for special occasion.

This beautiful romantic water lily would look lovely as a headpiece, or pinned on a satin ribbon as a sash belt or use it as a brooch.

Last, but not least don't forget the little flower girls need some hair accessories too.

All this creations are designed and handmade by me and you can purchase them via my Etsy shop.

Get 15% off from your purchase, please write the Coupon Code: 'MGMBLOG' at checkout.

-Marianna

Wedding custom order in pictures

2010-10-26T09:14:00.000+02:00

I have been contacted by Amy via email from my Artfire shop. Here is a part from her lovely message:

"Hi, I have been trawling the internet for months looking for the perfect corsage/broach to attach to the hip of my wedding dress."

After a few email's with details size, design and colour choice. I have set up a Customer order for Amy in my Etsy shop.

Here is the fabric and a center piece choice.

After cutting all the petals by hand and forming them by singing their edges, I am ready for sew the little petals together. I never use glue on my handmade flowers, as they last longer if they sewn together and look much prettier too. Quality is really important to me.

Here is the finished one of a kind flower for Amy.

If you like to order a custom piece, please contact me via my Etsy shop or my email mgmwedding@btinternet.com

Thank you for visiting my blog.

- Marianna

Bridal Bouquets . lasting reminder of your wedding day.

2010-09-15T09:26:00.000+02:00

This one of a kind handmade Bridal Bouquet is so special as I hand sewn vintage metal and glass rhinestones button on the center of each handmade mixed fabrics flower. Please click on the highlighted links for more details.

This bouquet I made especially for Fall/Winter weddings. At the moment you can purchase it at the special price. It's a one of a kind item.

My beautiful handmade mixed fabric flowers Bridal Bouquet will be a lasting reminder of your wedding day.
Every each of the are unique and one of a kind. I am happy to work on custom orders. Please contact me here, on my email: mgmwedding@btinternet.com or in my Etsy Wedding Shop.

It's a made to order piece of my Bridal Bouquets collection. Please contact me for details here, on my email: mgmwedding@btinternet.com or in via my Etsy Wedding Shop.

Thank you for visiting,
Marianna

Picture of the day

2010-08-28T13:18:00.008+02:00

Today I felt a bit down, so I was looking at some photos I took in the summer.

Gigi and Edward having some fun in the pool. Such a shame summer is ending and school starting in three days.

Video of my Fall Accessories Collection

2010-08-26T11:06:00.011+02:00

My 1st ever Youtube video of my creations.

Special thanks to my son, Edward who was showing me how to make it.

Please, can I ask you to leave a comment what do you think of this video.

Thank you

The Audrey Collection

2010-08-21T00:36:00.002+02:00

I am happy to show you my new Audrey Collection clutch bags. Here you can see the first two design handmade by me. You can find them in my Etsy shop.

Romantic classic style, made from ivory and latte color fabrics and beautifully detailed metal flower buckle.

Gorgeous two tone embroided taffeta fabric in dark red/rusty color.

Perfect for any occasions in your life.

My Birthday

2010-08-16T23:20:00.006+02:00

My Birthday was on last Saturday and look how my kids made my day special!

Edward wrote me a poem and Gigi wrapped up her little "unwanted" things in a tissue paper.

I was so happy to open up my present, what she was wrapping up herself with so much Love...that sort of presents you can't buy in shops...just thinking back put tears into my eyes again...

Here they singing me Happy Birthday again in the kitchen. They decorated the table for me with Edward's origami heart and flowers.

Gigi made some confetti, she wrote her name on every each of the paper cuttings and after sprinkled them on the carpet for me all the way to the kitchen.

...yes,I know she wrote her name wrong way around :)

Edward made some confetti too and he put them on my laptop :)
xo

For someone who makes me smile

2010-08-10T11:42:00.007+02:00

A few days ago I saw someone's photo with a book and had a ticket as a bookmark. First thing that come to my mind to make him a bookmark as a little gift for return to make me smile with his tweet updates.

He seen it and he loves it. Hopefully will be with him soon.

Magnolia

2010-08-01T00:20:00.002+02:00

Magnolia...love it so much! I was inspired today by that beautiful flower and I designed and made this pretty little hand bag.

The beautiful cream satin fabric is just perfect for wedding or any special occasion in your life.

I love the pretty and delicate look and feel of this little bag.

Handmade by me and it's a one of a kind piece, I have signed it inside. If you like to place an order for your wedding, please send me a message on my Etsy shop.

For more details please click on the images.

Dreaming of nontraditional wedding?

2010-07-23T15:24:00.006+02:00

Many brides-to-be are dreaming of nontraditional wedding. I met many women, who was so happy to find my Etsy shop, as I have other color choice for weddings, than ivory & white.

I have designed and made many accessories in the past years, and all of them are unique color and fabric mixture. Here I would like to show you some of them.

For more details, please click on the images and highlighted links.

First I want to show you, my all time favorite design: Butterfly fascinator with black Russian blusher veil. This piece is made to order only.

This Noir Petals and butterflies headpiece is one of a kind and not only for weddings, but you can wear them to any special occasions in your life.

I love the color and fabric combination on this Fiber art headband with beautiful bronze butterfly filigree in the center, which you can use any time really.

And last, but not least this unique earrings are the sample of a mix media jewelry line of mine.

xo

Wedding ideas with silver

2010-07-21T17:15:00.008+02:00

Today I would like to show you some ideas if you are thinking of silver and white colors for your wedding. For more details, please click on the images.

This bridal headpiece is made with silver netting and silver wire mesh ribbons mixed with white organza and beautiful textured glass beads.

Beautiful vintage bar link chain necklace with handmade taffeta flowers and Swarovski crystals.

And don't forget the earrings. Pretty ivory freshwater pearls with sterling silver Swarovski crystal embellished flowers and ear hooks.

This little flowers would look great for bridesmaids or flower girl.

This Swarovski crystal earrings could make a perfect bridesmaid's gift.

My creative space

2010-07-20T12:36:00.009+02:00

Today I felt like sewing, as I haven't used my sewing machine for a long time, it was quite nice to use it again :)

I had a special design in my mind, here is the finish one of a kind cuff bracelet I call it Pink whisper, as it's beautiful soft and perfectly fit on your wrist.

First I was sewing the ribbons and yarns on the taffeta/organza ribbon.

My work place is with future designs waiting to be made...

I hand sewn the tiny little glass beads and sequins on the bracelet.

...some close up shots, but still can1t give back the real beauty of this piece...

Can be worn as a choker, look so feminine and romantic!

Beautiful Brides from real weddings

2010-07-16T11:40:00.016+02:00

For a long time I wanted to write this post. This will be a series of mine to show you real Beautiful Brides, some of my customers who was so sweet to send me some photos of their wedding wearing my designs.

First I would like to show Maureen from Phoenix, Arizona.

They look so beautiful!

She is wearing my Purple Lover hair flowers and a pair of freshwater pearl earrings.

I love her hair, so pretty!

This photo is one of my favorite, as it's showing her beautifully detailed wedding dress too!

The lariat necklace was especially designed by me for her bridesmaids halterneck dress.
The earrings are made of with Swarovski crystals and silver wire.

The flower girl halo was a custom order too and just so cute on her!!

I love, love this photo!! Beautiful!!!

Thank you so much Maureen!!

My creative space

2010-07-14T01:39:00.007+02:00

I was waiting for my supplies to arrive for the last two weeks, and I am so happy today I received them. I made some earrings a few months ago with vintage French rhinestones, but I wasn't happy with them, as they are set in a gold tone metal and I put them on brass ear wires before.

I made this earrings to remind me of Paris. I love France so much!!
They are already available in my Etsy shop.

I love this earrings so much! I have something similar in the 80's - 90's.

I haven't listed these earrings in my shop yet, but I will tomorrow morning.

My creative space

2010-07-08T00:29:00.014+02:00

Today the weather wasn't too good, so we decided to stay indoors. I wanted to play with my polymer clay for a long time, and I had a special project in my mind...

...but as always, I found one of my rhinestone supply bag and I started to create all this one of a kind things, what I will use on bobby pins, rings and earrings. Lots of sparkle and glitter :)

Gigi like watching me working and she wanted to play with her Play Doh too. She is such a little artist!!

Gigi was asking me to show her how I make my roses...I shown her step by step and she did so well! Here is her 1st rose :)

I used all kind of different color laser glitters and glass rhinestones, what I bought long time ago. I love how every each of them are unique, not one the same.

One of the great things of being hand sculpted!

Here is a one of the final piece, after I baked them in the oven and sealed them with special glaze. You can found this rose ring in my Etsy shop.

One of my favorite piece, I love the lavender glass rhinestone in this ring!

Laura's order - Part 1

2010-07-04T11:44:00.004+02:00

I got an order from Laura last week, who lives and create beautiful hats in Canada.

Can't wait to see her newly designed hats with my flowers.

Will show you next time with a link to her website.
xo

My creative space

2010-06-17T01:01:00.004+02:00

I am working on my new lariat necklace design, which you can find in my Etsy shop soon. I love the mixture of the brass and the organza fabric.

While I am designing, my little daughter Gigi is painting a nice picture :)

For more creative spaces plase visit kootoyoo.com
Happy Thursday!
xo

My day in pictures

2010-06-05T23:27:00.015+02:00

This rainbow flower is a reflection on my day:

After weeks of bad weather, finally this morning was sunny and warm, so I decided to mow the lawn in our back garden, as my husband still in the UK. But my son was asking me if he can do it...and I said "I don't mind!" ;D

Edward done an excellent job, so I decided to bake them a chocolate cake after lunch...

... I made lots of tiny chocolate fairy cakes...oh yummy :)

Afternoon I had some time to make few new flowers. I try to list this one in my Etsy shop tonight.

I made this gorgeous and simple headband from upcycled camouflage denim.
You will find this soon in my new eco Etsy shop.

I wasn't sure what should I make for lunch today, so I tweeted the question and one of my sweet friend Nat from MaxiTendance sent me a Salad Nicoise recipe to try.
To tell you the truth, when the first time I read it, it sounded like too much work to make, as I only had it in restaurants before. But I read the ingredients, and I nearly had all of them, so I decided to make it for dinner for my kids and me.

And I am so happy I did, as it was delicious and my kids was really looking forward to eat it!!
Thank you Nat so much!

xo Marianna

Look what I've got in the mail...

2010-06-04T14:48:00.006+02:00

Look what I've got in the mail on last Monday :)

I love my sweet flower buttons so much, they look so adorable!

My little daughter Gigi took the white flower one already, she loves the tiny dandelions in it.

You can find more beautiful pinback buttons in Solvita's shop

Thank you Bethany Joy Galeotti!

2010-05-30T00:47:00.010+02:00

Just been contacted by someone on Etsy, if I seen the post about my bird ring on Bethany Joy Galeotti's blog, from One Tree Hill.

I am so happy and honoured about reading Joy mentioning me on her blog!

-Thank you Joy, it was really nice of you :)

As a special thanks from me, I will sending her something nice from my shop on Monday.

And I will give her blog readers a 10% off from their purchase in my Etsy shop, if they mention Joy name at the checkout. I will refund them via PayPal.

xo
Marianna

Weekly Happy Stats #1

2010-05-15T11:40:00.011+02:00

I just been reading the Weekly Happy Stats...which made me to write my own one too :)

1 - ...

...oh no, just realised nothing made me happy this week. Thinking back I had a bad week...

1 - On Tuesday my five years old daughter had a head injury in the kindergarten (still blue around her eye and her head).

2 -My two orders haven't arrived yet (I think one gone missing as I purchased it 2 months ago).

3 - My husband gone back to England.

4 - Got soaking wet in the storm while I was walking to the post office.

...but after all this... I may say:

I am still happy because it could of been worst!! :D

So, I start again:

1 - I have spent more time with my daughter, because she stayed home with me the rest of the week. She gave me lots of cuddles and said : "You are the best Mum in the World!"
2 - My order still could arrive next week. Maybe just got hold up somewhere in the ash delays.

3 - After the storm we saw a lovely rainbow in the sky with my kids.
4 - I made some beautiful flowers, here is one of them

My creative space

2010-05-10T17:14:00.023+02:00

ok...here it is, I show you what I was writing about in my twitter page yesterday.

I was thinking of this design for quite a while now. Last week I bought some delicious colours satin ribbons and I thought this purple ones will just fit to create my new statement necklace.

First I choose the apple/lime green organza as a base colour and hand cut and singed lots of little petals for the flowers. I found some gorgeous ribbons in my supply box.

I selected some metal filigree, rhinestones, glass beads, mother of pearl bead and some sweet vintage style buttons.

After a long-long hand sewing (10-11 hours all together), I finished this statement necklace today.

This necklace will be such an eye catching piece on someone!!

I loved mixing the rich colour fabrics, ribbons and tulle together.

The sequin details with the glass beads just fit in perfectly with the sweet handmade flowers.
I used double ivory satin ribbons to tie the necklace for a desired length.

Love the purple, lilac and green colours together.

For the perfect smooth back finish, I hand sewn some satin fabric, and signed/dated it by hand.
Just like my paintings, this is a fiber art and deserved to be signed by me.

You can find this One Of A Kind Statement necklace for sale in my Etsy shop.

So today is Saturday...

2010-05-08T16:00:00.023+02:00

...which is good, I love when my son and daughter is home with me. No school and kindergarten today and my husband is home too.

The kids woke up early this morning and my husband let me sleep a bit longer, which was really nice of him. I am always going to bed late, because I am updating my shops, after my kids and my husband gone to bed.

This morning, while I was having my coffee, I was reading a Waitrose newspaper (I've picked up in Bluewater, England), and I found this article of Harry Hill. I love him so much, he is such a funny guy, and even love him more after reading this article of him. And because I don't feel like to make any flowers today, I decided to make some fresh cookies.

I checked the cupboard, and I had the right amount of peanuts, so I was asking my little daughter if she want to help me to make the cookies...the answer was "YESSS!!"

Gigi was helping measuring out the ingredients and my husband was stirring the mixture...my son Edward was getting ready to eat them :)

The cookies turned out absolutely delicious, thank you Waitrose and Harry for the recipe!

Soon lunch time come, and we bought a lovely fresh asparagus in my supermarket last Wednesday. I wanted to steam them up with butter and have them on bread rolls. But I felt like try something new today, so I Googled an easy recipes up and I found this "Prosciutto wrapped asparagus" and I thought I will try them with bacon and some soft cheese, as I only had them in my fridge.

I wrapped the bacon with some some cheese around the asparagus

and warmed up some ready made bread rolls in the oven while I fried the asparagus in the grill frying pan.

My husband, the kids and me loved our lunch and I will make some for dinner too, but this time I will make some roasted potatoes with it.

Here is the recipe for the peanut cookies.

Preview of my Spring/Summer Collection

2010-05-04T23:14:00.013+02:00

In the last few days I have been designing new flowers for my Spring/Summer Collection.

Here is a preview what I made so far, you can find some of them in my Etsy shop.

First I made this sweet little cocktail hat with pink taffeta butterflies. I will show you more hat tomorrow...

I love this photo so much! I think Kerrin's beautiful mosaic looks really nice with my spring blossom! I created this flower from a repurposed fabric with beautiful pink roses on it with some lime green and pink diamond organza.

One of my new Dancing in the Air earrings, I made from lime green and ivory color diamond organza.

When I am thinking of Spring/Summer flowers, the first thing is come to my mind is red Poppies! Love them so much...they are so simple, soft and fragile flowers.

and the last flowers I show you today are the wild rose and apple blossoms...

I hope you are enjoyed looking around in my flower garden.

Reflection on my day

2010-05-02T00:34:00.006+02:00

Today I spent half of a day outside in our garden with my daughter, son and my husband. It was such a beautiful warm day and we had a lunch outside.
I took this photo of the sky, 'cause I love how the rays of sunshine come through the clouds...
This picture is a reflection of my day, every time I am looking at it, make me calm and relaxed...
Doesn't matter how many clouds on the sky, the sun will shine through.
Just like in life, doesn't matter how many problem someone have, it's always a hope to everything will be ok...

My 1st ever Cannelloni

2010-01-10T22:30:00.019+01:00

Here is, as I promised. The recipe of my 1st cannelloni pasta. When I am out grocery shopping and I see a cannelloni pasta, I was always wondering how is it like. I love spaghetti, lasagna and most Italian food... So yesterday I thought I should try to make some...with my own lasagna recipe.

I took step by step photos how I made it, as I want to make a cookbook one day for my son and daughter.

First I put some olive oil in a wok and chopped up one big onion.

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...when the onion start cooking /not burning :) / I put 4-5 segments of crushed garlic on it and stir them together for 5-10 seconds...

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...I stir 500 grams of beef mince...
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...and I added one beef Oxo cube when the mince is brown...
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...I added 1 tin of peeled plum tomatoes, 2-3 soup spoon of tomato pure, some ground black pepper, salt and chopped parsley...and half a cup of water

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...I left the mince sauce cooking, meanwhile I started making a white sauce. I put a bit of butter in the saucepan to melt on low temperature ...
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...then I added 3-4 soup spoon of flour to the melted butter and was stir it a little bit...

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...then I added half a liter of milk, and I stir it until the sauce thickens and boil...

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....now both of the sauce is cooked...

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...I was using a tea spoon for fill the cannelloni pasta tubes. I was put the pasta on the plate and after I have filled it up with the mince sauce, I gently put the spoon underneath the bottom of the pasta and lifted it up and I have put it in the buttered oven proof dish...

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...it took some time to fill all the pasta up...

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...I covered the pasta with the white sauce and put it in the oven for 30-40 minutes. In the last 10 minutes I took the dish out to put some grated Cheddar cheese on the top to melt...and I put it back for the last 10 minutes to cook...

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...this is how it is looked like when it's cooked...

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It took me 2 hours to make it, but it was worth it, as it's tasted so nice. I will definitely cook some more :)

If you try to make it, please let me know how is your one turned out.

Monday Moodboard 19.10.2009.

2009-10-19T12:12:00.004+02:00

Here is some of my favorites from my team the European Street Team from Etsy.

PURPLE MIST-2 cobweb lace felt thin scarf by manonknits

Mon Cherie - White Hand Felted Drawstring Bag by Crafts2Cherish

Romantic flower garland by ingermaaike

Sweet fruits mixed materials necklace by fleurfatale

How's your mood today? For more moodboards, please visit Fleur Fatale's blog

Monday Moodboard

2009-10-12T18:15:00.006+02:00

Here is some of my favorites from my team the European Street Team from Etsy.

Fairy Tree - Painted Fabric Journal by Kreativlink
Steampunk Cuff Watch by Aranwen
Athenea - Necklace by LeelaBijou
Blossom - Art postcard by matilou

How's your mood today? For more moodboards, please visit Fleur Fatale's blog

Monday Moodboard

2009-10-05T09:01:00.006+02:00

Here is my 1st Monday Moodboard. I have featured some of my favorites from my team the European Street Team from Etsy.

Golden sunset - long necklace by glasfaden

Lilac sparkle - fused glass ring by carmenesque

Segment Earrings by lilarubyking

Pomegranate Leather Bag by iragrant

How's your mood today? For more moodboards, please visit Fleur Fatale's blog

My latest custom order on Etsy

2009-09-05T12:28:00.023+02:00

I do love custom orders, as give me new colour & design ideas. And I love the challenge and the opportunity to bring my customers ideas a live.

First always starting with a few conversation messages via Etsy.

Sometimes I receive photos from the dress.
It's help me to create a more suitable flower for the occasion.

Here is the photo of the wedding dress I have received for my latest order.

After a thoughtful consideration, I send the links for the design, if I haven't been advised by my customers what design they like to have...

...and for the colours choice, I send some links from my existing listings...I was thinking of this colour for the silver petals...

...for the ivory, the middle petals on this flowers...

...for the gold I think this taffeta would be the best...

...and I will put a hint of soft pink like this one...

...but I wasn't sure about the gold taffeta, and I made some gold organza petals too...
...I have the fabrics ready for cutting the petals out by hand and singe it after one by one...

...usually I make one or two design to choose from, here they are...

...after my customer, Ashley chooses the second design with the gold organza, I made a customer listing for her...

If you would like to order a custom piece, please send me a message via my shops, Etsy, Zibbet, DaWanda and ArtFire.

Step by Step Recipe - Cherry Pie

2009-08-11T20:15:00.023+02:00

I have so many recipes like this with step by step photos. I made them, because one day I like to make a cook book of my recipes, what I have been collected and made over the years. And one day hopefully will help my children to learn to cook.

I learned this recipe from my brother's wife. Thank you Angie :)

The whole recipe concept is to use the soured cream pot for measuring out the rest of the ingredients.

You will need: -1 pot of soured cream, -2 pot of flour, -1 pot of sugar, -1/2 pot of olive oil (you can use sunflower oil too), -1 sachet of Vanilla Sugar, -1 sachet of Baking Powder, -3 whole eggs, -pinch of salt, -pitted cherry (or you can use peach, plum), -baking paper.

First turn the oven on to 180 Celsius. Put the 1 pot of soured cream in a bowl...

...measure 2 pot of flour and pour it on the soured cream...

...and add 1 pot of sugar to them...

...now 1/2 pot of olive oil (might sound a lot, but it will be not greasy at all)...

...add 1 sachet of Vanilla Sugar...

...and 1 sachet of Baking Powder...

...and last add 3 whole eggs. Mix it all together with a whisk.

I defrosted my hand pitted cherry from the freezer, what my husband and children picked from the cherry tree earlier this year.

Pour the mixture on to the baking try covered with baking paper...

...and level it out with a spoon...

...put the cherry on it and...

...sprinkle some sugar on them. That makes it nice and crispy top when baked.

Put it in the oven and bake it for 15-20 minutes, until golden brown.

Let it cool down and slice it up and enjoy :)

PS.: If you can't buy Vanilla Sugar and Baking Powder in sachet in your country. I can send you 5 sachet of Vanilla Sugar and 5 sachet of Baking Powder for $8.00, this price is including the shipping with Registered Priority Mail to Worldwide. Just contact me and I send you my PayPal address.

Today's picnic

2009-08-11T00:04:00.017+02:00

Last Friday I had to post my Etsy orders and it was too late to go back home and have a lunch.

I had a great idea to have a picnic near our local village shop, in the Castle park.

The kids loved my idea, because they love having picnic and I will spend more time with them.

Here is where we had a picnic last Friday, but I was a bit more organized this time...took my camera with me :)

After we posted my Etsy orders we walked to the small grocery shop and bought some bread rolls called "kifli" in Hungarian (my favorite, I missed it so much when we was living in the UK) and some salami. You can see them on the mat.

They are both happy and content after we had some lunch...

My little girl Gigi, took a camera from me and took a picture of Edward and myself :)

When we walked back home I took a photos and just realised how far is the Castle...I put a little red rectangle top of Edward's head. There we have been. No wonder Gigi was tired :)

This field is behind our back garden.

I have really enjoyed a time together...

My creative workspace - Vol.1.

2009-07-04T01:26:00.024+02:00

I have been asked so many times to write and show a bit about how I create things.

First of all, one thing you need to know about me. I love buying all kind of supplies, most of the time I have no idea what I can do with them. But I have to have them, because of their colours or textures...I know, I know...I shouldn't do things like that, but I just love materials what looks nice!

I just started using my glass beads, what I bought from the former Czech Republic back in 1985 :)

This is one of my box, full with polymer clay, tools, mohair (I made a few OOAK Fairy) and all kind of laser powders...etc.

I wanted to use these laser powders for so long now, and two weeks ago I had an idea to make some pendants and beads.

First I mixed the glitter in the clay...

While I am playing around with the clay, my little daughter accessorizing! Talking about "The apple does not fall far from the tree" :D

...and I hand sculpted a rose, some hearts and some beads.

After baking them in the oven, I sealed them with a sealant for a glossy sheen.

With silver wire and some Swarovski Crystals, I made pendants from them...

...and today was the day, when I had the idea how can I make a necklace from them.

Here are the finished pieces...

You can find this necklace exclusive to DaWanda.

You can find this Exclusive to Etsy.

I was quite busy today, because I made my first Cherry jam too. I will blog about this tomorrow :)

Going to bed now, it's already 02.22am here in Hungary.

Etsy Flowers and Gardening item poll

2009-05-21T01:37:00.006+02:00

This item of mine has been selected for the Etsy Flowers and Gardening item poll on the Storque. You can check out the poll here and vote for my work if you like it :)

http://www.etsy.com/voter_list.php?ref=voter&room_id=50

Thank you for your supports, my creation is ended on the 4th place! I am really happy for so many people like my work and voted for it!

I am really honoured that ZIBBET used one of my flower creation on their banners!

2009-05-20T12:15:00.019+02:00

Since I opened up my shop on ZIBBET in March this year, I felt really welcomed as a seller! They asked me to be a Featured ZIBBETER after a couple of weeks. They found me on Twitter and this is how I found out about this great Australian based Handmade site. I love their site concept, artists can list artworks without the upfront cost. And it's really compelling to me, as I am always creating something, and I already have over 240 items on my Etsy store since July last year. When I create something, it's usually not sold in the next few of days/weeks/months. And sometimes when I am experimenting with my new ideas, it's hard to know people will like it or not.

I really believe great artists need a freedom to create things without thinking that item would sell or not. Sometimes I am unsure if I should list my new piece. And I find when I am not pressured to make saleable items, this is when I create the best things ever, what people will love enough and purchase them.

And ZIBBET gives me this freedom of listing without the extra cost.

From the buyers point of view, it's a great Handmade site, because they will find undiscovered artist around the world, who was worried to open up a shop, because the upfront cost. As everyone knows, artist are spending most of their money on new supplies. I know, I am always looking for new supplies. Driving my husband mad about it, he always asking why I buy more organza, when I have 40-50 colours shades already :)

Not talking about glass beads, findings, canvas, paint, Swarovski crystals...etc.

I know ZIBBET is still a new site, as only launched beginning of this year. But I am sure ZIBBET will grow and it's nice to be there with them and being involved.

That's why I am feeling so honoured when they asked me if they can use one of my Flower Creation on their promotional Banners!

If you like to register free as a buyer, please click on this banner and will take you to ZIBBET.

If you like to register as a seller, please click on this banner and will take you to ZIBBET.

I hope you will have as much good experience as I do!

Good luck!

Marianna

I have completed Holly's decor8 BYW e-course

2009-05-19T02:20:00.010+02:00

I am so proud to complete Holly's decor8 Blog Your Way e-Course. The course finished two weeks ago, but I am still logged in tonight to listen the podcast for once more.
I learned lots from this course, and I am still progressing. I have changed my whole blog layout and design. I couldn't done this without Holly and my Creative Post-Its team's help.
I like to share with you my team members blogs.
Katie from http://savegocco.blogspot.com/
Heather from http://www.doodlebuds.blogspot.com/
Elle from http://www.mamaloves.ca/
Bonny from http://brooksnbonny.blogspot.com/
Chantal from http://luxxurylivving.com/
Jen http://moorethanamom.com/
Minnie http://mamawithoutborders.blogspot.com/
Shannon http://sisterly2.blogspot.com/
Stephanie http://www.blaubeermund.com/

Thank you girls for all your help.

And I like to say a big thank you to you Holly to make this happen!!
Keep in touch,
Marianna

Family day out to the Swan Lake...

2009-05-15T00:10:00.012+02:00

...it's not really called Swan Lake. Only I like to call it like that, because every time we go there we see swans.

The real name is Lake Velence.

I love this close up photo, so beautiful!

I was wearing my newly designed hair pin. You can find it in my shops.

Don't worry I am not selling this one in my hair, as it's mine.

I will make you a new one :)

My husband and my kids enjoyed the day so much!

My little daughter and me. She still need to learn about feminine posing :)

My son and my little girl front of a traditional roofing. Whick was on the ground, as it's collapsed over the winter.

We like to go there again over the weekend.

Meet Giselle, the gorgeous Bridal or for Special Occasion Head piece

2009-05-08T10:48:00.010+02:00

I was inspired by the Disney film called Enchanted, Giselle wore a beautiful head piece with lots of long ribbon on it. I love watching that film with my little daughter, as it's so romantic!!! I just love the romantic and feminine feel to this On Of A Kind head piece.
Everything handsewn, no glue been used when I created this pretty haircomb.
You can find this on my Etsy Store for $54.00

♥ Spring Weekend Giveaway 14-15 March 2009 ♥

2009-03-14T12:03:00.006+01:00

It's nice and sunny here, and I am in the mood for a Spring Weekend Giveaway!

I like to offer you a FREE GIFT: PETALS - Little Black - Organza Ring

After each completed purchase in my Etsy store, your name will be entered in to a Competition and the winner name will be drawn at random.

The weekend deal will end on the 15 of March 2009 at 11:59pm EST.

♥ Good luck and have a lovely weekend ♥

Marianna

UPDATE: Kelly (kkpoppa) was the lucky winner, I am still waiting for the photos :) Congratulation Kelly!!

That's how I like it :)

2009-03-03T10:44:00.008+01:00

Just a quick post before I go to the airport to pick my husband up. It's nice he will be back home after three weeks.

That's how I like it a bit frothy and with 1/4 milk in it. I couldn't live without my Senseo coffee maker :)

This is how you can see me in the mornings, my head burried in a mug of coffee :)

In the morning I had my first and only coffee for a day and after I was wrapping some orders up to post them today. One is for my Etsy friend Kriszta, who is Hungarian too. She makes beautiful beaded jewellry, her Etsy shop's name is 6Carmen6 .

Kriszta, you will get it by thursday latest! Hopefully :)

I am rushing now, bye!

The Happy Snowman

2009-02-27T00:19:00.005+01:00

It's been snowing for a couple of days, and I gone for a walk with my son and my little daughter to the post office to post some of my orders. The kids enjoyed the walk, and when we got back I was asking them if they want to build a snowman. We was looking for something for the nose and the eyes. I found an old red kinder toy for the nose in front of the garage and a couple of stones for the eyes. The kids put them on the snowman's face. But I thought something is missing. I broke off a dry twig from the tree for his mouth.

The kids loved the sweet face on the snowman, and I wanted to show you too.

Hope make you smile a little bit :)

My entry for this week's EST Challenge

2009-02-08T23:16:00.003+01:00

I like to congratulate to vadjutka, who won the Challenge last Monday with her beautiful necklace. Jutka new EST Challenge for this week is Recycling. Today I listed on Etsy my entry piece, which is an American Express creditcard earrings :)

This Week's EST Challenge Pieces for Something with Japanese Design

2009-01-27T08:27:00.026+01:00

I have won the Etsy European Street Team weekly challenge yesterday - Art Nouveau.
I am the EST Challenge Queen for the whole week :) And I am really enjoying it!!!
Taken over the crown from Swie, my new theme is for this week for the EST Challenge: Something with Japanese design.
If you like to participate in this week's challenge, please convo me your entries on Etsy and I will display it here :)
Dateline is on 21.00pm on 02 February 2009, Monday.
Good luck everyone!!!
~Marianna

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And here is the 1st entry from Kreativlink

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The 2nd entry is from karuski

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The 3rd entry from StudioBee

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The 4th entry is from AgapeBridal

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The 5th entry is from kraplap

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The 6th entry is from swiedebie

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The 7th entry is from staroftheeast

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The 8th entry is from Sigmosaics

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The 9th entry is from vadjutka

Here is the interview with me on the Etsy Wedding Team blog

2009-01-19T11:32:00.007+01:00

I am a new member of the Etsy Wedding Team, and you can find an interview with me on our website.
It's a lovely site, recomended to everyone who like to get married in the near future, or someone who is invited in weddings as a guest. We have a lots of selected shops links to Etsy, to make shopping easier.
I hope you like the interview :)

We had a great time back in the UK :)

2008-12-06T16:40:00.046+01:00

Last month in the middle of November we gone back to the UK for a couple of weeks, to visit family and friends, and do some Christmas shopping :)

We had a great time, here is some photos...

My favorite Shopping Center, Bluewater. I miss it so much!!

Love the Christmas lights, they are so beautiful!

Having a refreshment in John Lewis between shopping with Julie, my sister in law :)

One of my best friend Miles and Gigi :)

We had a lovely evening meal with friends Rick, Annie and the kids.

I can't wait to see our friends again!

You can see me in the reflection of the window, I am a twinkle twinkle little star... :)

I took this photo in the Eurotunnel, between England and France.

My new Cristmas line jewellery.

2008-11-03T23:59:00.042+01:00

I am so busy designing and making my new Christmas line jewellery. I have too many idea, but not enough time in a day. It's midnight again, and I am so tired. But I like to show you what I made so far.

You can find some of them already listed in my Etsy shop.

Here they are...

I used Swarovski Vitrail crystals, Tibetan silver and silver components with a hint of organza ribbon for a bookmark.

I love the Bookmark, because could be a lovely present for someone who loves reading. And is such an unusual idea to get bookmark as a present. With a sweet Angel wing charm, perfect for the Bible!

Falling stars at Christmas -Earrings

Silver wire wrapped with Tibetan Gold
metal stars on Silver French earhooks.

And my

PETALS Brooch

I made from Organza and Freshwater

Pearl with silver wire stamen.

Nothing better than cooking with the kids :)

2008-10-26T10:38:00.021+01:00

Yesterday we made a White chocolate button mini cakes. That was so much fun, we will make one again today, but this time we making a Princess mini cakes.
While Edward was holding the bowl, Gigi was stirring the mixture.

After the kids decorated the cakes.

Yummy :p

My son and the Origami stars.

2008-10-25T02:15:00.010+02:00

Since my son Edward learned how he can make the Origami Peace Crane. He made lots of them. I use to buy lots of origami paper for him.

But today I had an idea, to use an old newspaper. We was searching all morning on the internet how he can make an Origami Star. We learned it and it was so nice to spend some time together. While my little daughter was cutting some old paper up too. She love cutting things :)

I was asking Edward what we should do with all this stars. And he had an idea to make a mobile out of it and sell them on Etsy! You see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :)

Here is a photo from the good ones we made!

Here is my newly designed ring :)

2008-10-20T00:58:00.006+02:00

I been making this ring all afternoon. It is made of silver wire, black organza and grey freshwater pearl. My new design name is "The little black flower". As the little black dress, this ring is good for every occasion too!
Look so fragile and so romantic.

You can purchase this One Of A Kind ring in my Etsy shop.

My new recipe.

2008-10-18T21:29:00.002+02:00

Art is so important in my life,
but I do love looking after my family
and cook them every night freshly made dinner.
Yesterday been shopping and bought some
fresh mushrooms.

They are one of my favorite vegetables. I stuffed them with
Philadelphia soft cheese and put some Hungarian smoked sausage on the top.

Put them in the oven with the salty potatoes.

This photo is from the dished up dinner.
Actually this is my son's plate :)

"The Sunrise Fairy" was born

2008-10-11T15:50:00.004+02:00

After a long time I started sculpting again using Polymer clay. I was working on my new creation for three days now, her name is "The Sunrise Fairy". She is only tiny fairy, approx. 2 1/2 inches.

If you like to give her a nice new home, you can visit my ZIBBET shop, where you can purchase this little darling.